I can't wait

"I can't wait" is a phrase I've begun to expunge from my vocabulary lately.

I've always been a past-and-future sort of person: very reminiscent about years gone by and constantly daydreaming about the future. I've always had trouble just living in the present. I idealize past stages of life, forgetting how tumultuous they really were at the time. I make elaborate plans (in my mind or on paper) for how future events will happen, then get upset if they don't turn out like I envisioned. Matt laughs at how I'm always excited about the next season of the year. Sometime in June, I start getting anxious for fall, my favorite season. Once the leaves have peaked, I start saying "I can't wait til Christmas!" Pretty soon into the new year, I start longing for the warmer, longer days of springtime.

It's the same with seasons of life. Throughout my dating years, I couldn't wait to get married. Maybe this is because I always loved old-fashioned things, and Scarlett, Melanie, and Catherine the Great all married young, or maybe it was because my parents got married at age 21, the week after they graduated college, and I just assumed it would be the same for me. (Either way, I am determined to help Kate avoid that marriage-obsessiveness!) Once I was married at age 25, I got all excited about babies, even though I had matured enough (finally!) to know we should wait a couple years for that.

Now, I daydream about how precocious Kate will be as a toddler and about all the soccer games and school programs we'll attend in years to come. But I always stop myself. Kate has already grown and changed so much in these three months. I don't want to wish away a single day of these precious times. They'll fly by too soon on their own.

I can't wait?

Yes, I can.