WMW: The Freelance Fairy

I wish I could give credit where credit is due, but I can't remember where I first read about "the Freelance Fairy." It was in some book or blog written by a freelance writer, talking about the unpredictability of income when one works freelance.

It's true—you can't anticipate when new jobs are going to come in, or when exactly the payment for those jobs will arrive. The fabled Freelance Fairy was the sprite who brought in new work or a check in the mail whenever the writer was running low on cash.

When I prepared to leave my full-time job in January, Matt and I were prepared for the changes this new career move would bring for our income and our expenses (boo for higher health insurance rates, yay for using less gas!) But it's been interesting to adjust to the differences between being salaried and being freelance.

The most essential difference is just how directly work = money. On salary, you might have a really busy week that requires long hours, or you might be taking a week's vacation, but your paycheck still comes at the same time and for the same amount. As a freelancer, the more work you do, the more money you make. Period.

So if I wake up at 2 a.m. and can't get back to sleep, the thought, "well, might as well make some money," can legitimately enter my head, and I'll get up and do a couple hours' work, until I feel sleepy again. (I sleep pretty well, even with a four-year-old snuggled so close to me it feels like she's trying to crawl right into my skin, so that doesn't happen often.) One could do that as a salaried employee, but it wouldn't equate to a bigger paycheck, just maybe a lighter to-do list the next day.

I've been fortunate to continue doing a lot for my former employer, and being able to submit hours on a weekly basis, so I can count on having some income each week, as well as some steady work that always needs doing. Bigger projects that pay one flat fee are more the milieu of the Freelance Fairy, and pop up when you least expect them. I have had a constant string of big deadlines from May through, well, today (if I can knock this last bit out tonight!) but very little on the radar for the fall.

I'm excited about this for the moment, since Matt and I have a little getaway planned for the two of us and I'm looking forward to a light August, where I can ease up the pace just a little bit and do some writing. But given that more work = more money now, I have two competing fears going into my "light month": One, that a big, short-deadline job will come my way in the next couple weeks and I'll be tempted to take it even though I've really been needing and looking forward to this deadline-free time. And Two, that it won't. Or rather, that it won't come even after I've enjoyed my little vacation. What if my light fall stays light?

Given how suddenly the Freelance Fairy swoops in, and how she dive-bombed me repeatedly this spring, such that I've been in intense on-deadline mode for essentially three months straight, I feel pretty confident that she'll do some fly-bys in the coming months, but you never know. That's part of the challenge of this new adventure, and I'm loving every minute.

Working Mom Wednesday: The Money Paradox

A big question for working moms (or moms-to-be) who are considering the idea of quitting work to stay home with their kids is the obvious, "Can we afford it?"

Many households are dual income because they have to be--they literally could not pay the bills on one person's salary. Others may be on the cusp and just require some tinkering with the budget, sacrificing certain "extras" to make it work. (And, of course, there are the rare couples who already live off of one partner's income, and the other spouse doesn't really "have" to work, but may choose to anyway!)

Matt and I never even calculated this, because I knew I wanted to keep working, but if I wanted to be a SAHM, I estimate that--given our church-provided housing--we could make it happen, especially if we cut out cable TV, XM radio, Bookswim, etc. If we had a house payment, I doubt we could do it.

There are costs to working, too, of course: day care, dressy clothes, dry cleaning, maybe more gasoline, depending on your commute, etc., but I would think that for most families, these costs do not eat up an entire salary to the point that you "can't afford to work."

Apparently, I'm wrong, though, at least according to some research cited by marriage-and-family scholar Stephanie Coontz. This big question of "affording to stay home" has actually created a misperception of who stays at home and who works, she says in this article from 2007. Apparently, "the highest concentration of full-time homemakers in America is found among women married to low-earning men, while highly educated wives are increasingly likely to combine work and motherhood."

This fuels what Coontz calls "the opt-out myth." We tend to think that women whose families need the money work, and that more women who can afford to stay home are doing so. When really, 72% of the women who could more likely afford to stay home are choosing to work, while 52% of moms in families earning in the 25th percentile and could use a second income, were staying home.  And that puts some families in quite a tough spot, needing a second income but not being able to afford for a spouse to go out and get that second income. It's a sort of paradox (or even "doughnut hole," as they say in the Medicare debates) where some families can't completely afford for Mom not to work but can't quite afford for her to work either.

Coontz links these trends with the support the culture gives to working mothers--socially and practically/financially. In some countries, women are choosing to postpone motherhood rather than get stuck in this paradoxical spot, and the birth rates are plummeting. In America, working motherhood has been on the rise since the 1960s and there isn't a social stigma about working outside the home (though some still debate the issue!) but our laws, normative business practices, etc. do not financially empower moms to work the way countries with universal health care and longer guaranteed maternity leaves do.

In Coontz's words:

"Where employers and policy-makers refuse to accommodate women's desire to combine work and family, we see one of two outcomes: Either women stop having babies, as in Italy or Japan, or, as in the United States, many women who need to work can't afford to (because of expensive and uneven-quality child care) and many women who want to work feel guilty about the choices they are forced to make."

I wish I had some practical tips to share on affording to work or not work (as your preference might be) but I find this more sociological look at working motherhood fascinating as well. Perhaps some of you have firsthand experience with these financial pressures.Tell me, how did/will money affect your decision to work or stay home?

~~~
PS: I actually have not read Coontz' best-known book, Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage, but after reading some of these articles on her website, I may have to do that! I have read her The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap, which compares the 1950s stereotype to reality, and apparently she has a new book coming out in January, A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique and American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s. I found Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique just fascinating, so I may have to check that out too!

Christmas Gifting

I love Christmas.

On one hand, I can't believe I'm already blogging about Christmas (I'm one of those purists who refuses to decorate or listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving) but with the stores' Christmas promotions already in full swing, it feels like the right time to say a few words about Christmas presents.

Seriously, one of my favorite parts of the holiday is wrapping presents, and since Kate has arrived on the scene, I have LOVED buying gifts for her. Partially, she's just so much fun to buy for, but it's also that it doesn't feel so superfluous shopping for her. She grows out of clothes quickly, so I don't feel bad about buying her new clothes (though I'll almost never pay full price). No, she doesn't absolutely NEED new toys aimed at her exact developmental stage, but she "needs" them a lot more than Matt or I (or most other adults we know) need anything.

And that's what gets me. The pressure to wrack my brain to find gifts for people who don't need anything. The knowledge that other people are wracking their brains to find gifts for Matt and I.

I'm not saying we should do away with gift giving. Yes, it's a commercial and consumeristic twist on a religious holiday celebrating the birth of someone who had nothing and no place to lay his head. (My favorite line from the new sitcom Outsourced, in which an Indian customer service rep balks at an American novelty mistletoe belt buckle: "This is how you celebrate the birthday of the son of your God?") But gift-giving is also a special tradition that--at its best--emphasizes selflessness and generosity toward others.

I just worry that the cultivation of generosity is being replaced by social pressure: we feel we have to give something, so we find just anything to give.

I hate that feeling, and I hate the idea that others might have that feeling on my account. So, there are several ways that I can think of to combat the "urge to splurge":

1. Don't buy just to buy.
It's fun to see a huge pile of pretty packages under the tree, and (if you have any clue what to get them) it can be fun to shop for other people. I love stumbling upon something and thinking "oh, this would be perfect for so-and-so." But if there's not much that the other person needs or really wants, don't buy things just because you think you "should." I haven't got any great ideas for Matt this year, but I know he shares my values on this issue and will understand if I give a goat through Heifer rather than buying him a sweater. (Still hoping for a good idea, though :0)

2. Don't compare the cost.
This one actually has two applications: a) don't compare the amount you're spending on one person to how much you spend on another. This will just lead to meaningless "add-ons" to one person's gift to make it equal to another's. (I hear siblings can be picky about this as kids, but I think adults can look at the big picture.) And b) don't compare the amount you think someone else will spend on you. People have different budgets, different gifting styles, etc.--and that's okay. No one should feel pressured to spend beyond their budget.

3. Follow the "want/need/wear/read" guideline.
I've heard about some families that give a certain number of gifts to each person, one gift per category: something they want (a toy, a necklace), something they need (socks, a new hard drive), something they can wear, and something to read. This is a nice way to keep spending under control and--for families with kids worried about such things--to keep things fairly equal.

4. Give to those who DO need it.
There are people in need year-round, of course, but in this season so marked by shopping and giving, it is a natural fit to make giving to those people not just an afterthought but an essential part of your celebration. Budget for your gifting to the various toy drives and agencies that ask for year-end contributions just as you would budget for gifts for your family. Shopping and wrapping are part of the joy of the season, even if not all the gifts end up under your own tree.

How do you approach Christmas gift-giving? Do you have any tricks or traditions to keep gift-giving meaningful and heartfelt in your family?

I'm Really Cheap

When someone compliments your new shirt, do you...

a) say "thanks" and let them think you paid $29.99 for it at Ann Taylor Loft?
b) proudly announce that you got it for $1 on Target's clearance rack (possibly even before they complimented you on it... ahem)

If you chose option b, you might be like me, and that means you might be kinda cheap (or as some advertiser recently coined, you might be a "frugalista." I like that term better).

I admit that the $1 top for myself was actually a fluke, and that most of my bargain-shopping is for Kate. She needs new clothes a lot more often than I do, so it only makes sense!

The other night, I went to a great semi-annual children's consignment sale that I look forward to every (half) year, and got four dresses, three pairs of shorts, two tops, and two sets of jammies for Kate for under $30. Wa-hoo!! If you live near Clarksville, it's still going on at the union hall on Union Hall Rd. ... today is 25% off, and tomorrow and Saturday are 50% off. If you don't live near Clarksville, kidsconsignmentsales.com is a good place to find sales going on in your area.

Ebay is my other main bargain-hunting zone. Even there, though, I'm pretty hard core about how much I'll pay. Yes, it's still a good deal at half-off retail price, but if I'm going to consider it a deal, I won't go above about a third of retail price (including shipping). Another mommy from Kate's class told Matt the other day how she got a $120 Strasburg Easter dress on ebay for $30 or something. He didn't remember how the subject came up, so I can only assume this mommy is another loud-and-proud cheapskate :0)

For diapers and other baby gear, I always go with Diapers.com because they do free shipping on every order over $49 (which is easy to get to when you're buying diapers, wipes, etc.) Use the referral code JKELLEY and you'll get $10 off your first order! (If you use the code, I'll get a few diaper-dollars myself, and then you can set up a referral code to give your friends too!)

The Mom Creative (my favorite blog--I've said it before and I'll say it again!) often features money-saving tips and websites. I think she is the one who turned me on to Diapers.com, and also Swagbucks, which gives you points for using their Google-powered search engine, and you can spend your points on gift cards to Amazon, Starbucks, etc. The other day, she mentioned Groupon.com, which sends you one e-mail each day with a special deal specific to your hometown, like a $50 gift card to a local spa for only $25. I haven't taken them up on any of the deals yet but I'm sure there will be something soon I can really use (not that I couldn't use a spa massage, but you know :0) As I always say... it's not a deal if you don't really need it!

But if you do need some stuff, like clothes or diapers or books from Amazon, these are the best tricks I have up my sleeve. What are yours?

Giving Joyfully

Being a pastor's family, I don't know if I should admit this, but Matt and I disagree over whether one's tithe (the traditional 10% of gross income one "gives back to God" through religious or other charitable organizations) should all go to the church, with other, smaller donations to other charities on top of that, or whether the tithe should be distributed to a variety of missional causes, including the church.

Matt feels strongly about tithing specifically to the church, but being the gracious, egalitarian husband that he is, he suggested that since I feel differently, we each give our tithe as we see fit. So long as 10% of his income goes back to the church, I can distribute 10% or more of my income to a variety of ministries that meet real human needs around the world. We started this new system in August (basically, when I bought my new 09-10 planner, because before that, I wasn't keeping very good track at all of when we gave what to whom), and after organizing our giving this way for a half-year now, I have to say, I LOVE IT!

Viewing my giving almost like a debit account ("ok, I have X amount left to give in the next year") rather than like a bill to pay ("ok, we have to write this month's check for X amount") makes it flexible and fun. When I hear about a sudden, urgent need (like a church's clothing ministry being robbed) or Stuff Christians Like building kindergartens for orphans in Vietnam, I can respond immediately, generously, and joyfully.

There is certainly something to be said for the discipline of writing a monthly check to your local congregation (and we do that as well), but I love being able to give spontaneously and more generously than I would if I were already giving 10% of my income to the church. One of the main scriptures that drives my giving (in addition to "whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me" Matt. 25:40) is "Give to all who ask of you" Matt. 5:42. I don't really give to ALL who ask of me (in fact, I avoid answering the phone when I think it is a telemarketer), but I do like to respond to a wide variety of needs.

I don't know how you organize your giving, but if you're looking for a great cause to sponsor in 2010 (or a place to make a last-minute tax-deductable donation in 2009) here are a few of my favorites:

The Sudan Project. The civil war, genocide, and subsequent lack of food and clean water in the Darfur region of Sudan is considered by the U.N. to be the greatest humanitarian crisis in the world today. Ginghamsburg United Methodist Church in Ohio started The Sudan Project in 2004, raising money with its Christmas Miracle Offering. Every Christmas, Ginghamsburg’s pastor Mike Slaughter asks people to spend less on Christmas for their own families, and give an amount equal to one's family spending to the church’s ministries in Darfur (schools, water yards, sustainable agriculture, etc.) I have given to The Sudan Project for a while now, but this was the first Christmas we did the "equal amount" thing, and I'm so glad we did.

Sponsoring a child through Compassion or Worldvision. We just started doing this recently, and we got our first letter and drawings from our child (a boy in Tanzania) last week. It's cool how these organizations make the needs and the results "real" by fostering a long-term connection between you and your child. Our sponsorship funds his schooling and medical care, and we can maintain this relationship with him as he grows up.

Your local homeless shelter. Ours is the Nashville Rescue Mission. Homebody that I am, I simply cannot imagine not having a place to retreat and recharge, much less basic protection from the elements and a place to store food, clothing, and other belongings. Homelessness is a big issue for me, and the benefit of supporting your local shelter is that you can participate more fully in its ministries by serving there in person. When we lived in Nashville, we frequently served dinner at NRM, and I miss that.

I often feel that I'm using my job, my commute, and my child as excuses not to get out and physically serve others more often. I work full time, spend two hours a day in the car, and want to spend every spare moment with Kate! Some people say that young adults can give their time, more financially-established middle-aged adults can give their money, and older adults with limited mobility and funds can give their prayers. I hope we'll always try to give all three to those in need, but during this time-strapped stage of our lives--physically able though we are--we can still give of our money, and I am glad to have found a way to do so with great freedom and joy.