WMW: Productive Pumping at Work

Did you know that offices of 50 or more are required to provide a private, non-bathroom space for lactating mothers?

I pumped for both my girls from the time I went back from maternity leave until their first birthdays, so for a total of about nineteen months or 380 workdays, I pumped at work. I'd estimate that's upwards of 850 pumping sessions. At 20 minutes per session, that's about 7 1/2 workweeks'-worth of time spent in the pumping room. If I hadn't learned how to be professionally productive during that time, I would have essentially stolen another maternity leave, spread out over two years!

And, if I hadn't learned how to be lactationally productive during that time, I would have been wasting everybody's time and a lot of trouble.

So here are some tips (some I learned personally, some from friends) about being all-around productive while pumping at work.

3 Tips for Being Professionally Productive

1. Find a good space. If you work alone or have an office with a door on it, you're in luck. You just need to find some desk space with room for your pump in addition to your work, that is close to an outlet. If you have to use a conference room or designated pumping room, you might not have access to a computer, but if there's space to work, you can find other tasks to do while pumping (see item 2). This was the case for me, but both times I had a comfortable space with plenty of table room for my pump, supplies, and work.
2. Save certain tasks for pumping time. With our dependence on computers these days, there are fewer and fewer work tasks that can be done without them. The iPad helped a little this second time around, but I still needed to plan and save tasks that didn't require my big machine for pumping time. For me, this was things like proofing hard copies of books and magazines, doing research in hard-copy books, brainstorming (I prefer pen and paper for that), or doing small tasks on the iPad. If you're about to do something in your office that doesn't require the computer, stop and set it with your pump so you can take it and do it then.
3. Go hands-free. Hopefully you've at least figured out how to hold both breast shields with one arm/hand, so you have one hand free while pumping, but if you can have both hands free, you can work that much easier! One friend of mine really recommends a hands-free pumping bra, like a bandeau or bustier with holes in it that you can put on to hold up the shields for you. This second time around, I just left my nursing bra clipped, and the cups held them up for me, but depending on your bra, you might need a special thing for it.

3 Tips for Being Lactationally Productive

1. Ensure your privacy. Stress is a big milk-buster, so if you're nervous about someone walking in, or otherwise feeling too exposed, it's going to hurt your milk production. If you have a room with a lock on it, use it (duh), but if you don't, make a sign to hang up each time. I've seen cute doorhangers, though I felt safer with something at eye level. I made a sign that said "Privacy Please. Do Not Enter," and had it laminated so it would last. I kept it and a roll of tape in my pumping bag so I could post it every time and it wouldn't get torn up.
2. Time it right. Keep track of when you pump and how much you make for the first week or so you are back at work. What patterns do you see? Generally, the more often you pump, and the longer the session, the more you will make, but work doesn't always make that easy. I at first wanted to do three sessions for Claire like I did for Kate, but the room this time was so far from my office, I reduced it to two pretty quickly, and had to pump morning and night as well at home, just to get enough for her daily needs. (Four pumping sessions to make the three bottles we sent to school.)
3. Prepare during maternity leave. With Kate, I was already prepared because she didn't nurse and I started pumping for her from the very first week. By the time I went back to work, it was old hat and I had both a great milk supply and a good frozen stash built up as back up. This was one downside of Claire being such a great nurser. I only pumped a few times over maternity leave, so my body hadn't adjusted to it and was dependent on Claire's 1-2 hour schedule. And I had little to no frozen stash to fall back on. It was day-to-day for the first month or so, sending to school every bit of milk I'd pumped the day before, and my frozen stash was always pretty small. So work ahead to build up a frozen stash to take some of the pressure off those first few weeks back at work.

I hope this is helpful to new working moms. Seasoned moms, what tips can you add that made pumping at work go more smoothly?

Claire at One Year

Oh, Clairy. One year old already! Time for a big milestones report...

The Stats
Claire was 28.5 inches long/tall at her one year appointment on Wednesday, and 21 lbs, 13 oz. So, in her first year, she grew eight inches and about tripled her body weight.

She's "true to size" in clothes, so she's just now starting to wear some 12-18 month clothes, though most 6-12 month still fit and the 12-18 month pants are pretty long. She's going to be a little more petite in height, I think. She wears a size 2 shoe and size 3 diaper.

Milestones
She took her first steps on October 8, at 11 months and 1 week old, and by her first birthday could walk halfway across the room, but (as someone on Facebook, can't remember who, said of their baby) walking "is more a party trick than a mode of transportation." That changed in the last week, and she's been choosing to walk longer distances now. She can also climb steps (on all fours) and now we have to keep a gate across the bottom of the staircase too. She disappeared from the playroom yesterday and we found her up in my craft room, getting supplies out of the cabinet!

Claire has five teeth now. After getting her bottom front two and top front two, her first incisor (the bottom right one) started coming through a few weeks ago. She takes a couple naps at school, one on the weekends, and sleeps about 10-11 hours at night, still waking at least once. (Usually, it's just 4:30, then she'll go back to sleep until about 6.)

She can say "dada," "kitty," and "Kate," so I'm the only one in the house who needs no introduction (we'll frame it that way!) She points to me if someone asks about Mommy, though, and she could identify herself in a picture this morning. I think she also said "balloon" today, when playing with the balloon Kate got at a birthday party yesterday.

She started drinking cow's milk at school this past week and is more or less self-weaning. I decided I would stop pumping at the one year mark and continue to nurse her morning, night, and weekends as long as the milk held out. (Kate, you'll recall, didn't nurse, but I pumped for her for a year and the massive frozen stash lasted until she was 16 months.) I didn't have such an overabundance with Claire, so our frozen stash was never more than ten bags or so, and was gone before the one year mark. Though she always needed to be nursed to sleep, she started getting more independent in that department a few weeks ago, nursing just a little and then going down awake (yay!) so she doesn't nurse too much anymore (boo). I'll be curious to see how long a tail my supply will have, since she nurses at most four times a day, and not much each time.

Stuff Claire Likes
Claire likes to watch and learn to do what Big Sister is doing, so she can color with a crayon and make noble efforts at doing jigsaw puzzles and playing Chutes and Ladders. I'm hoping this desire to imitate will extend to potty training! Kate sometimes struggles to share toys, but generally they play pretty nicely together.

Claire also likes to hug and cuddle. Her favorite "game," I might say, is standing over you while you're laying on the ground and just doing a freefall onto your face. She'll laugh and laugh. I love how kids just trust that you will always catch them.

Claire still loves to eat. She was a voracious nurser from the start, started eating table food not too long after we started pureed solids, and will eat just about anything. She enjoyed her first ice cream the night of her birthday (a family tradition we've developed, since both girls' first birthdays were on weekdays and we wanted something fun for that day, before the party the following weekend). She had pumpkin pie ice cream from Baskin-Robbins.

I'd be hard pressed to say what her favorite foods are, since she really will eat most anything put in front of her. She even wanted to try deep fried oreos when Matt got some at a festival a few weeks ago! She'll clamor for it, too. Don't get between this girl and her food!

Personality
Popi kept saying her middle name should be "Mellow." She really does just go with the flow most of the time. She'll have her toddler-esque moments when she dramatically puts her forehead to the ground or wall and cries (usually when we take something away from her or make her get out of the fridge so we can close the door) but she is a very sweet, accepting child. When I was expecting her, people said how she would have to be a pistol to keep up with Kate, but I willed her to be more calm and quiet, not just for my own sanity, but for her sake as well. Two strong winds collide to make a tornado, but a flexible tree can stand her ground with the wind, standing strong without being broken.

A Few More Sweet Photos
'Nough said. Look at this sweet little cutie!

Pretty with pumpkins.

With Mommy on her first birthday (Nov. 1)

Clapping along with the bluegrass music at the Music and Molasses Festival.

Matchy-matchy playing with sister.

Rainbow hairbow

Wanting Daddy to lift her, Dirty Dancing style, like he was doing to Kate.

Babies and Kids for Obama!

That's my girl! On to toddlerhood!

Nine Months!

Claire is now nine months old! I've been lazy with my blogging lately, so it feels like I just posted her eight month stats, but here we are at nine months and we have a few more things to report than last month! At eight months, I mentioned how she had been creeping and sitting up for two months, but not sitting up by herself or moving toward crawling, pulling up, cruising, etc. Just in the last week or two, I've seen her get herself into the sitting position, and she is starting to pull up!

Here she is today, her sweet, joyful self. She's laughing at Mr. Squeaky, a squeaky duck toy she has. She always smiles when she sees me smile, but when my face is hidden by a camera, she often stares deadpan. But Mr. Squeaky off to my left did the trick. Cutie girl.

She went to the doctor this morning for her nine month checkup. Her weight was 18 lbs, 4 oz, which is 52nd percentile—shocking since she's generally been so petite, but not surprising since she eats like crazy. We've called her "Hungry Hungry Hippo" from the start, and now that she's an old pro at solids, she double-fists mashed potatoes, squash casserole, omelets, anything we put in front of her. Her height/length was still 12th percentile, so maybe she's just bulking up before a growth spurt, the way Kate does.

Just a couple days ago, her big accomplishment was pulling up to her knees on the kitchen desk chair...

And now she's pulling up to her feet in her crib!

We lowered her mattress the other night, to be on the safe side. 

Claire loves playing with her sister, watching her do gymnastics and do just about anything. She is into blocks and balls and play tables (now that she's pulling up). She is fascinated by Charlotte, more than I remember Kate being (here's Kate's nine month milestones post, by the way) and will creep as fast as she can to chase Charlotte around the room, touching her fur whenever she can.

Claire has started saying "ba ba ba ba," and vocalizing a bit more. I'm trying to teach her the sign for "nurse," though I can't remember at what age Kate started picking up on sign language. She is starting to wear 6-12 month clothes, and I'm finally putting away the 3-6 month stuff, which seemed to fit her longer than it did Kate. She wears a size 2 diaper, and I hardly ever put shoes on her, but her size 1 shoes seem to be outgrown, so when I do put shoes on her again, they will likely be the cute, size 2, pink Pedipeds Kate had. I loved those shoes :0)

The girls aren't bathing together yet, since Claire isn't stable enough in the big tub, but we dipped her in for a couple minutes one night to clean off the mashed potato crust that results from her dinner! She's eating so much in the way of solid food that her bottles have gotten even smaller for school, but she still loves to nurse morning, evening, and night. She sleeps from about 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. and then after I nurse her, sleeps again until 5:30 or 6:30. Occasionally she'll go all the way from 8 to 5. Either way, I find that if I go ahead and get up for the day at 5 or 5:30, I feel better than when I try to doze off again until 6:30 or so. I'm not pumping in the morning before work anymore, so I can get up and relax and make a good breakfast, and feel more "put together," even if I'm not technically sleeping the whole night through.

I'm tempted to compare with Kate sleeping through the night by one month (and Claire did too at one month, but then needed to eat more!) but Matt always gave Kate a dream feed before he came to bed at 11 or so, so what felt to me like a 11-hour sleep was made possible by that bottle feed.

To close, here are another few pics of our little piggy in full-on dinner mode. She enjoyed her penne pasta and cleaned her tray . . . and then—oh!—here are a few more stuck in my bib!

Happy nine months, Clairey-Bear!

Scarring Them for Life

It's a common half-joke with parents that anything we do wrong will "scar them for life." And as a family that recognizes the value of mental health, chances are our kids will go to counseling for something-or-other at some point. The goal is just to minimize the things they can blame on us, right?

I'm being lighthearted about this, but as Claire gets older, I make more comparisons and have noted several differences in the way I've parented my two girls so far, and really wonder how these choices affect kids down the road. (I say "I" even though Matt is a very involved dad just because I am the one that makes most decisions regarding the issues at hand—the feeding of babies.) I've gone "by the book" on some things and not on others, and the typical parental fear that the way a child "turns out" will reflect on these parenting choices is there, no matter how irrational it seems.

Cry-It-Out v. Nursing-On-Demand
I wonder if Claire and I will have a closer bond because I nursed her, and all the implications of that difference in breastfeeding that I wrote about a month or so ago. Lately, my main concern on the breastfeeding front is that I've basically fed Claire on demand, and I wonder how that will affect her long-term. She doesn't nap well, she doesn't take a pacifier; she nurses when going to bed and whenever she wakes up in the night. By contrast, Kate (who was bottle-fed pumped breastmilk at regular intervals) napped reasonably well, soothed herself easily with a paci, and went to bed in no time—we laid her down, and if she cried, we maybe replaced her paci a couple times and let her cry it out if the situation was dire. Easy peasy.

So, I worry that Claire will be a comfort eater, since nursing is pretty much the only way to soothe her. (Good thing she's tenth percentile in weight now, since she'll be hitting up Ben & Jerry's whenever she's down in future years!) I worry that I've done her a massive disservice by feeding her whenever she wakes, making it harder for her to learn self-soothing. How could I have gone against my convictions with her, after such "success" with Kate? I guess it's just so easy, since the boobs are right there and it's all up to me, as opposed to Matt doing Kate's 11 pm dream feed while I slumbered away. Still, it's frustrating, since Claire did sleep through the night by three months, as Kate did, but then relapsed, it seems, and I'm not sure how to get her on track again.

Advantage: Kate, theoretically. If you listen to folks that advocate nursing-on-demand, then Claire has the advantage, but from what I've witnessed so far, a stricter approach to feeding and sleeping seems to make for a more well-adjusted baby.


Fruit-First v. Veggie-First
This was actually the conversation that inspired this post. Claire started solids a couple weeks ago, with oatmeal first. This past week, I gave her sweet potatoes, peas, and squash as well. I hadn't gotten around to looking up (in my Birth to One Year Essential Baby Organizer) what foods beyond cereal we gave Kate first. Common parenting wisdom says to give babies veggies before fruit, so they won't grow accustomed to the sweeter flavor of fruit and resist eating veggies.

I mentioned to Matt that that was why Claire was getting veggies this week. He responded sarcastically, "yeah, and Kate eats her veggies sooo well..."

I opened my Baby Organizer then to see what we'd fed Kate first after cereal (whole wheat in her case), and turns out, it was applesauce and bananas. Ha! Point proven... perhaps.

Matt turned to Kate and said, "Have we scarred you for life, Kate?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Are you going to talk about this in counseling?" Matt asked.
"No," Kate said.

Well, that's good.

Who knows if that's the reason Kate loves fruit and her main veggie is raw carrots while she has to be coerced to eat cooked peas, green beans, or zucchini, but I'm sure it didn't help. With Claire starting on sweet potatoes and peas first, maybe she will love mushy veggies as much as I do. Advantage: Claire.

There are so many things that influence who a child will become, there's no way to know how each specific parenting decision at this young age plays into things, but nonetheless, I'll be wondering as they grow how this or that affected their personalities, aptitudes, and behaviors.

I just hope any advantages or disadvantages I've given my girls balance out in the end. We do our best in every case, and at the end of the day, that's all we can do.

Nursing v. Exclusive Pumping: the 4-month Update

Claire turned four months yesterday. I can't believe it! I'll share the milestone updates tomorrow, but first I want to share a bit of what I've learned these four months about nursing v. exclusive pumping, now that I have experienced them both.

I am so, so glad that Claire took to nursing so easily and so well. We have a picture of me soon after her birth, nursing there in the delivery room and just elated that she latched right on and did so well. It saved me all that stress I experienced in Kate's first week, when she would take two sucks and then let go, never getting a lot and being what the doctor called a "lazy sucker." She lost a lot of weight in her first few days and the doc said the scary word "NICU," so while in retrospect I might have been able to teach her to nurse with a lot of help from the lactation consultant (who we visited only once after leaving the hospital), I jumped right into pumping and never looked back. I exclusively pumped for Kate's whole first year, and I am so proud of that, but there are definitely pros and cons to both ways of breastfeeding.

Pumping 


Pros: 
Making so, so much milk. Since I pumped almost from the start and was always using my super double electric pump (Medela Pump in Style), I made more than enough for two babies, freezing tons of extra and even giving a lot away through Milkshare. Matt could help feed Kate, since we were bottle-feeding her the pumped milk. That enabled me to sleep more and Matt to bond with the baby more. Extra plus: I easily lost my baby weight and more, because breastfeeding burns a lot of calories and I was making so much. (I gained some back after I stopped pumping, but still weighed less at the start of my pregnancy with Claire than I did with Kate.)

Cons:
The initial disappointment of not being able to nurse when you had hoped to is, of course, a con. There's also just the hassle of having to drag the pump everywhere. Engorgement and leakage was worse because of the sheer volume of milk, so if I was going to be out somewhere too much longer than my current pumping schedule, I would have to lug the thing along, even if Kate was with me! This did make for a few "supermom" moments, feeding her a bottle while pumping the next one (and talking to a prospective author on the phone!) but overall pumping is a much bigger hassle than simply putting the infant to your breast. Then there's all the cleaning of pump parts and bottles on top of that.

Nursing 

Pros: 
As I just said, the sheer simplicity of baby-to-boobie feeding, with no pump and no bottles, is great. Both methods provide the much-touted benefits of breast milk, but I wonder what difference it makes for a child if that milk comes direct from the breast or via a pumped bottle. We'll see if Claire has any developmental advantages later on, but for now, I can say I do feel a difference in the bonding. I was bonded with Kate, of course, but I feel a different kind of bond with Claire, it seems, that I don't recall with Kate as a baby. And she has an obvious preference for me over the boobless parent. Poor Matt often can't console her; even if she's not hungry at the moment, just knowing the food source is near is enough to calm her sometimes!  

Cons:
The cons of nursing, for me, basically come at the intersection of nursing and pumping. That is to say, the pumping is not near so easy when it is only a part time thing, as opposed to the constancy of exclusive pumping. I have to pump in the morning and at night in addition to twice at work to make enough for Claire's four bottles at school each day. I am barely making enough for each day, only saving up enough to freeze a little bit every couple of weeks. It is stressful to be cutting it so close each day, to know that if I skip a pumping session, I might not have enough milk to send to school with Claire. This is partly because she's so snacky, eating less more often when I'm with her to nurse, but eats more in one sitting from a bottle, so the production is a little out of whack. Another con is the decreased weight loss. I still lost my little bit of baby weight easily, but haven't really dropped below my starting weight like I did with Kate.

Both methods of breastfeeding are fairly equal on cost savings. Both save tons of money on formula, which can cost $1500-$2000 for the baby's first year (what did we ever do without Google?). A double electric breast pump costs around $200, but if you work outside the home or plan to be away from your baby for any significant stretch during his or her first year, even nursing moms will need a pump.

I doubt anybody chooses to be an exclusive pumper, so this isn't intended to be informative for the basis of choosing between, but if you are having trouble nursing and still want to give your baby breastmilk, know that not only can it be done, there are pros to it as well.

I'm glad Claire nurses. This whole post was inspired by the fact that it crossed my mind for a moment, when I was stressed about the lack of extra breastmilk, to just stop nursing and pump like crazy for Claire, just so I'd make more milk and have a good stash built up. I quickly put the thought out of my mind. Despite the cons of nursing, I love the natural simplicity and bonding of being able to nurse my baby. I treasure the time I spend nursing Claire to sleep (or back to sleep) in the rocker in her room, watching the world go by outside her window and knowing I'm giving my little angel something no one else can.

So How's It Going?

Many sweet friends, family, and church members have been asking how my first week back at work after my eleven-week maternity leave was going. I've held off on blogging about it (not that I've had time to!) until at least this first week was under my belt.

The short answer is "fine." I haven't cried. I haven't held Claire's car seat hostage and refused to let Matt take her to day care. I'm fine.

The longer answer on the work side of things is that I've been a little overwhelmed at times but glad to be back overall. I spent Monday just getting my feet wet again, catching up on what's been happening while I was out. I checked e-mail periodically while I was out, so I only had about two weeks' worth to sort through upon my return (and since those two weeks were over the holidays, they were much lighter than they might have been!) Tuesday, I had a few freak-outs as I got deeper back into the swing of things, and by Wednesday my to-do list  was growing faster than I could mark things off of it. Thursday and Friday, I was more or less on top of things, though I still haven't taken back the reins on everything I'd passed off to colleagues while I was gone. (I really would have been overwhelmed had I taken back all my old responsibilities immediately, so thank you, S and B!)

I've been pumping 2-3 times a day, which is much more difficult this time around a) because I don't have a little, rarely-used conference room near my office like I did with Kate and have to walk a ways to get to the designated pumping room (which is nice and clean and has a lock, so that's good) and b) because I wasn't already pumping a million times a day like I was with Kate. I knew this would be tough, since boobies and babies respond differently to pumping/bottles than nursing. So, I'm having to pump 4-5 times a day (i.e. before and after work as well as during) to make the milk she drinks from three bottles a day at day care. I have no spare stash this time—a total change from the chest freezer in the garage full of bagged milk I had last time! I'm trying to get my supply up, hopefully to the point that I can just pump twice a day at work and maybe build up a fridge/freezer stash, or at least to where I can only pump at work and not between feedings at home as well!

On the home front, it's been exhausting, especially since Matt was busy every night this week, so I've been outnumbered in the evenings. This has been difficult because I can't really give attention to both girls at the same time, except for those brief moments where I'm holding Claire and Kate body slams us both with a big cuddle. So, I feel like when I'm doing something with Kate, I'm neglecting Claire (or more accurately, missing Claire, since it's me that it bothers, not her) and when I'm cuddling Claire, I'm ignoring Kate and risking a meltdown or intentional potty-accident if she feels usurped by the baby. I'm craving one-on-one time with each girl. I feel like I'm neglecting Kate more now than when I was on leave, I guess because now my home-time has to be shared by both girls, whereas I had all day with Claire before and more easily turned my attention to Kate when she came home. I do miss my days at home with Claire (and, let's be honest; I miss Matt Lauer and Ann Curry, and Hoda and Kathie Lee), but I'm coping.

I anticipated mornings to be crazy, getting all four of us out the door. They've been pretty good, actually, but only because of my resolution. I've been setting our clothes out the night before, getting up at 5:30, showering, enjoying some "me" time with a cup of coffee (from a coffeepot set the night before to brew while I shower!) tending to the kids when they wake up, getting bottles and lunch and myself and everything ready. . . I'm proud of myself. I've had to be a little flexible some mornings, but Monday went perfectly as planned, which has given me the resolve to stick to the desired routine, and we've gotten out the door on time (or early) every day.

Here's my list by the door to make sure we've got all our bags: a purse, pump bag, lunch bag, two backpacks, and sometimes other accouterments for school.

And your reward for reading all the way to the bottom of this post:
Guess who rolled over on Sunday? It seems to have been unintentional and she probably won't do it again for a month or more, but I left her on her back on a blanket while doing something with Kate in the kitchen, and a few minutes later, I heard Claire fussing, looked over, and saw this!

Yes, of course I grabbed my camera before going to assist her. She's not so crazy about being on her tummy!

I'm so glad it's the weekend—and a three-day one at that!

Tawny Scrawny

Sorting through the pile of old Little Golden Books Kate pulled out of the closet at my parents' house, we found The Tawny Scrawny Lion, one of our family favorites from when I was small.

We only had to read the very first line before we knew we'd discovered a new nickname for Claire...

"Once there was a tawny, scrawny, hungry lion who could never get enough to eat."

Claire's not scrawny (though she seems tiny to us, she's quite average in weight), and her hair is more brown than tawny, but it really seems she can never get enough to eat!

She wants to nurse every 1-2 hours usually, sometimes just for 10-20 minutes, but occasionally it's for 40-50 minutes, and she's still back for more an hour later! If she's taking a good nap or we're out running around (in which case, she's lulled by being in the car or the sling) she can go about 3 hours. At night, she can sleep up to 4 or 5 hours (even 6, once) for the first stretch of nighttime (10:00-2:00 or so) but it's often the 1-2 hour schedule for the wee hours.

Matt joked, "Well, you hoped she would nurse—Careful what you wish for!" I really am so thankful and happy that she nurses, and so voraciously! I guess it just seems different to me because we don't know how much she's getting at each feeding, and she's sometimes just snacking and sometimes falling asleep off and on while eating, whereas Kate would down her bottle of breastmilk and be good for a solid three hours at this stage.

Whenever Claire cries (even if she's just eaten), Kate says, "My sister is probably hungry." (Sometimes adding, "You need to feed her with your boobies. Use that one.") She doesn't cry just for food, Kate, but that's always a good guess with Tawny Scrawny ClaireBear!

Breastfeeding, Take 2

As we approach Claire's birth, I've been thinking and wondering how breastfeeding will go this time around. You can read all the details here, but the short version of my previous breastfeeding experience is that Kate just didn't take to the breast very well, she was a "lazy sucker," and after losing a bunch of weight in her first five days or so, I started pumping for her and never looked back. I was an "exclusive pumper" for a whole year, and while I would do it again in a second, I still hope Claire will nurse. I'd like that experience, and it would definitely be cleaner and less time consuming than pumping, cleaning all the pump parts, and then giving a bottle--all up to eight times a day.

The wife of one of my authors had been through the same thing with her first child, and was a big inspiration to me in the marathon of pumping for that whole year. She has since had two more kids, and both of them have nursed. I asked her recently what the secret was, and she basically said "perseverance." That makes me feel a little stinky, like she/I could have made it work the first time if we'd just tried a little harder. (Regret stinks, so I don't want to think that. I don't know if she thinks that or not, though.) But nonetheless, with one or both of the latter babies, she did have some trouble again, but went back to the lactation consultant as many times as it took to teach that baby to nurse. And it worked!

If Claire has similar nursing troubles to Kate, there are several things I'll do differently.

1. Recognize it sooner. I feel so guilty for not realizing just how little milk she was getting during those frustrating, start-and-stop nursing attempts during her first five days. 
2. In light of that, I'd start pumping sooner just to make sure she was getting enough to eat...
3. ...but I'd also seek more help to try to make nursing work. Kate and I had a couple sessions with the lactation consultant while still in the hospital, and we went back one more time after going home, but I could have done more. 

And if, after all that, she still won't nurse well, I'll gladly pump again, and I'll do it the whole year. There are a couple benefits of exclusive pumping, so it's not a total hardship:

1. Other people can feed her, and I get a little alone time while pumping. 
2. I made enough milk for two babies, so had a huge frozen stash that lasted until Kate was about 15 months old, and was able to give some to babies whose mommies couldn't nurse or pump. 
3. Making so much milk is an excellent calorie-burner. The baby weight--and then some--just melted away. (That's enough to make me want to pump on the side this time, even if she does nurse!)
4. One I just realized after reading blogs from other working moms who stressed over the transition back to work, having to teach their babies to take a bottle and get themselves in the groove of pumping. We were already doing that even on maternity leave, so feeding/pumping was a non-issue when I went back to work. (Excerpt for finding a good, private place to pump at work, which is indeed a challenge.)

What has your breastfeeding experience been?

My Body is Revolting

Not in the adjectival sense (I hope!) but rather it feels like my body is revolting against me lately. Since I stopped breastfeeding (pumping) two months ago, various changes have been taking place. I suppose this is to be expected, since the body does crazy things when you become pregnant, then when you give birth and start lactating, but it seems surprising and frustrating now; I guess because this is the time when things are supposed to be “getting back to normal.”

First off, the boob situation. I’m not going to go into huge detail about this, but suffice it to say that I thought all the rumors were untrue and that somehow the way of all womanhood (and the way of gravity) would not apply to me. I was wrong. This old post from my friend Amy’s blog keeps coming to mind. (sigh.)

Next, I noticed that my skin was breaking out more. Stupid hormones.

Third, my restless legs have returned. I suffered for years from Restless Leg Syndrome (aren’t you glad the pharmaceutical companies finally gave us a name for it?) but noticed at some point during the last year that I hadn’t experienced it lately--like since giving birth. This might be a stretch, but I know muscle aches are sometimes caused by lactic acid pooling in the muscles, and my lactose has been focused elsewhere for the past year. Sound plausible?

On top of it all, I've just plain felt like crap half the time for the past few weeks.

Then again, the only baby weight I'm carrying around goes to day care three days a week, so maybe I'll just channel what you're probably thinking right now and shut up about it.

One Year Old

Today is Kate's first birthday!

We're kicking off Katestravaganza (a multi-day birthday extravaganza a la Jesstravaganza) with a regularly-scheduled Daddy-Daughter Day while Mommy goes to work, then we'll go out for Kate's first taste of ice cream tonight (well, the first one where she gets her own serving, at least ;0) I'm taking the day off work tomorrow--we have Kate's one-year checkup in the morning, and since we usually end up sitting in the waiting room for over an hour, I would be missing half the day anyway. Then there's a little event at Kate's day care--not related to her birthday, but parents were invited to stay and eat lunch with their children, so we'll take a little cookie cake to that and she can celebrate with her new friends. Then I'll spend the rest of the day getting ready for Kate's party on Saturday!

Also thanks to that baby journal I mentioned, I have a good list of when Kate hit what milestone this year. So here's a little rundown of when she did what this year!



1 week old: ate 2-3 oz every 2-3 hours

2 weeks old: first trips to Brentwood, church, Starbucks, and a sports bar

5 weeks old: first trip to Louisville

6 weeks old: first smile

7 weeks old: sleeping 7+ hours at night

8 weeks old: “so active” (compared to just lying there!) waving arms, kicking ball hanging from play gym, scooting backwards, crab-walk style.

11 weeks old: moved up to size 1 diapers, ate 5 oz every 3-4 hours

3 months old: was baptized, met her aunt and uncle for the first time, I went back to work. Sleeps 10 ½--11 hours at night.

4 months old: rolled over, ate 7 oz 4-5 times a day (worked perfectly with my five-a-day pumping schedule!)

5 months old: started blowing raspberries, started day care 3 days a week. Moved up to size 1-2 diapers. Ate 8 oz 5 times a day.

6 months old: started solids (whole wheat cereal), creeping, and sitting up!

7 months old: pulled up to a stand and started cruising within days after that! Started eating finger foods. She was a cruising expert by the time she actually learned to crawl closer to 8 months!

8 months old: started walking behind push-cart, got the swine flu. Started wearing shoes regularly.

9 months old: first steps!! Learned to wave and clap, and started preferring to feed herself her bottle.

10 months old: learned to climb stairs at grandparents’ houses (we don’t have any) and to say “mama,” though she doesn’t connect it with me yet. Also says “baba”—might connect it with her bottle. Only wants finger foods, no pureed baby foods.

11 months old: Started in the toddler room at a new day care. She had been taking a nice 2-hour morning nap and 2-hour afternoon nap, but now just gets one 1-hour nap on school days!

And now at one year old:
- She loves to climb—up onto the hearth or tables at school (12” off the ground).
- We’re working on the sippy cup, and she’s practiced some with a regular cup, fork, and spoon.
- She’s learning to blow kisses—yay!
- She says "baba" and "mama" and they are tenuously related to her bottle and me, but not
- She wears a size 3 diaper and a mix of 6-12 month and 12-18 month size clothing. I think she weighs about 21 pounds, but we'll find out at her doctor appointment tomorrow.
- She eats pretty much whatever we eat, and drinks a little whole milk at school. Her main liquid is still breastmilk, and in fact (sniff!) I am pumping for the very last time (for Kate, at least) as I type. I weaned down to 2x a day around Christmas and just 1x a day a few days ago, so I don't anticipate any engorgement or other problems. It's been a smooth transition, and I'm so thankful for the experience of making milk for Kate this year.

Happy birthday, Boo! I love you and am SOOOOO excited about celebrating your birthday!

Mommy Got Milk

I like big boobies and I cannot lie
You other babies can’t deny
When a mom walks in with a stretch-marked waist
And a round thing in your face
You get stoked!
Wanna latch on good
And get that food

See that nursing bra she’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
Oh, Mommy! I wanna get with ya
And fill a pitcha
Those formula ads try to woo me
But that milk you got
Makes me so hungry!

So babies (yeah?) babies (yeah?)
Has your mommy got the milk? (heck yeah!)
Tell her to pump it, pump it, pump it, pump it
Pump those healthy boobs!
Mommy got milk

Yes, this is a Matt and Jess original. If you have no idea what's going on, click here. Or here for the lyrics. And if you're a Friends fan, here. (You know what episode I'm talking about!)

Still Pumping

In case you were wondering...

I'm still going to my little conference room twice during each work day and taping up my sign...Still opening my little cooler and plugging things in... Still getting "track marks" on my arm from holding the shields against my chest...
Still pumping!

It's been nine months since we gave up on Kate nursing and I started pumping 7-8 times a day (then six, then five, and now generally just four). Some people tell me I'm crazy to spend the time and effort (and recently, blood, but I won't get into that) when Kate wasn't into breastfeeding, but I love giving my little girl good, healthy, IQ-and-immunity-boosting milk.

Originally, I considered stopping at nine months, so I wouldn't have to worry with pumping in New Orleans, but I managed just fine (filling most of a gallon cow's milk jug... what? TMI? Sorry...) and I'm determined to keep going until Kate's first birthday. Though I've given away a fair amount of frozen milk through Milkshare to adopted babies and other babies/mommies who can't nurse, I still have a whole chest freezer full, which will last for a couple months beyond the time I stop pumping.

(and I'll spare you more boobie-pumping talk until then!)

Nine Baby Essentials

I don't really do product reviews on this blog, but in honor of our pregnant friends (who are probably still out shopping for baby clothes right now, having just found out the gender this afternoon!) I wanted to give a list of the baby items that we really love and would recommend to others.

1. The Soothing Center
Matt fell in love with the Graco Sweetpeace Soothing Center from the moment he saw it had an iPod dock. Yes, alongside womb sounds (what we use most often) and two musical styles, there is a setting for iPod, and you can hook up your own playlist to this Cadillac of baby swings. Rather than swinging front to back, it swings in an arc, meant to replicate the motion of a parent's body, swiveling at the hips as they rock the baby in their arms. The toys attached are simple and neutral in color, so (as some reviewers complain) it is not a swing for fun and stimulation, but that's the point--it's a soothing center, and we use it all the time when Kate is fussy or is fighting sleep at naptime. It puts her right to sleep.

2. The "iPod"

Speaking of iPods, Kate adores her Baby Einstein Take Along Tunes, which we call her "iPod." Someone gave this to my mom at the "grandma shower" her friends threw for her, and now she has decided to buy one for every baby shower she ever attends in the future. Kate loves this thing. Matt's brother, Andrew, started calling it "baby crack" when he and Alexis babysat Kate one day. Literally, she can be crying hysterically, but press that big button (which plays a variety of classical pieces on rotation) and Kate will be entranced by the music and the lights that flash in rhythm with the music.

3. Diapers.com

This website offers a big first-time-user discount, so you've probably seen that advertised in parenting magazines or online somewhere. (Trust me, the big discount only works the first time. Oh well.) But still, this site is the best for ordering your diapers, wipes, and other baby products. Before Kate was born, I priced diapers, wipes, baby food, etc. at Sam's, Kroger, and Target, and determined that Sam's had the best prices. Diapers.com is maybe one dollar more expensive than Sam's, but with free shipping on any order over $49, it is totally worth it. As a working mother, I don't have time to be running here, there, and everywhere, and love getting whatever I need delivered right to my door. They even include virtual coupons to match whatever may be going around in newspapers.

4. Pampers

And, speaking of diapers, I love Pampers. Like Jessica Turner (my favorite blogger), I am a "Pampers Snob." I am seriously shocked that other brands don't even try to imitate them. You know those fancy paper napkins, where you think "hmm, is this fabric or paper?"--Pampers are like those, whereas all other diapers feel like cardboard in comparison. We've tried others, whether received as gifts or bought in emergencies at drug stores, and they're fine, but once you go Pampers, you can't go back. And the wetness indicator line on the newborn Swaddlers?--perfect for an anosmic like me. It took a while after moving to size ones to be able to tell by sight whether she needed changing or not.

5. The jogging strollerWe don't jog. I hate to run. But, we wanted a jogging stroller because they're sporty and fun, and while that may sound silly and self-consciously trendy, I'm glad we got one. We chose the Baby Trend Expedition LX completely because it was the only jogger that works as a travel system, with the car seat that snaps into it. The car seat isn't the most user-friendly, with a buckle and handle that cause parental and grandparental angst now and again, but the stroller is awesome. It has cupholders for both parent and baby, and the turning radius is incredible. You could do wheelchair ballroom dancing with this thing--it literally spins in a circle. So even if you never jog or even ever take it out on the street, it maneuvers through the racks at Gymboree far better than a standard four-wheeled stroller. Trust me.

6. eBay

I talked about my eBay obsession here, but it really is an essential baby tool for me. Through eBay and local consignment stores and sales, I have saved untold amounts of money on Kate's clothes and other baby gear. I don't dare buy clothes for myself on there, not being able to try them on or return them, but for a baby whose sizing system is quite simple, eBay is fabulous. I get Gymboree and Baby Gap items that retail for $25-$35 for as little as $.99. If it's something I really like, I'll bid up to $12 or so. I recently got a lot (a "lot" is a group of items sold together) of five fall outfits--dresses, leggings, jumpers, tops, etc., including two pairs of shoes--which would have retailed for over $200, for $26, plus $10 shipping. Amazing deal. You couldn't even get that many items of clothing at Walmart for under $60, I'm sure. Plus, it's more fun this way!

7. BumpyName LabelsI have a thing about stickers and tags. They kind of gross me out, especially when they're half-peeling off, or wet...I'm a freak. Anyway... when I saw an ad for "BumpyName Labels," I knew that was the option for me, when it came to labeling Kate's things for day care and all. Essentially like a Livestrong bracelet, these rubber bands with your child's name imprinted on them just stretch and snap around bottles, sippycups, etc. No nasty peeling or falling off, they stay put.

8. LilyPadz

Lack of sleep, total lifestyle change, and breastfeeding troubles aside, what really drove me nuts those first few weeks postpartum was having to sleep in a bra lined with nursing pads. It just drove home the feeling of "Why bother going to bed? I'll just be up in three hours, anyway, and I can't even wear a normal nightgown." I finally started to feel human again when I discovered LilyPadz. They are silicon pads that adhere to your breasts like suction cups, preventing leakage. They are, admittedly, an expense--$20 a pair, and they last about six weeks before losing the tackiness that makes them stick. I wore my first pair all the time, and they wore out after about three weeks. After that, I just wore them at night, when I really need their benefits, and they last 6-8 weeks. Compare this to disposable nursing pads--$7-10 for 60 (a month's worth) and they are a bit pricey, but they are well worth it for feeling like myself at night!

9. The Medela Pump In Style

This post was almost "Eight Baby Essentials" until I realized I needed to pump before posting this and heading to bed. Where would I be without my trusty Medela breast pump? Our unit assistant at work advised me to get a Medela when I first announced I was pregnant, and I heard the same recommendation from other sources. Some people urged me to hold off on buying a breast pump until I knew breastfeeding would work out for us, in case I didn't end up needing one. Now, as an exclusive pumper for 6 1/2 months and counting, I can't imagine life without my pump! I haven't used any other brand, so I don't know how they compare, but Medela is a great brand, and as everyone else says--if you're pumping at work or on any kind of a regular basis, get a double electric like the Pump In Style.

So, those are my recommendations. If you disagree, feel free to say so, but I hope this list is helpful for any moms-to-be out there, or any other parents of small children. What other essentials would you add?

Caution: Women at Work

I had been wondering when it would happen.

Yesterday, after two months back at work, emerging from what was approximately my eighty-third time pumping in a small conference room at the office--someone finally asked.

"So, what's with the 'Privacy Please: Do Not Enter' sign?"

"Well, 'Don't open this door unless you want to be scarred for life' wouldn't fit on a sign," I replied.

Just kidding.

"I'm pumping my breasts," I actually said.

The one male colleague witnessing this exchange covered his ears in jest as three women proceeded to chime in with their breastfeeding experiences--whose child would or wouldn't take a bottle, who pumped and didn't, and even a story of nursing while sitting on a crate in the aisle of a grocery store.

This went on for a few minutes, and I felt relieved to have finally explained myself (to half of my department, at least). I'm not embarrassed of it, obviously, but it is an awkward topic to bring up, and I'm always self-conscious about walking from my office (which is nice but doorless and not soundproof) to my "pumping room" carrying my pump twice a day. Since the pump bag is designed to be discreet and look like a large purse, I always worry people think I'm coming in really late or leaving really early, or returning from a long lunch at 2:30!

Overall, though, pumping at work has been easier than I expected. The hardest part is finding some pencil-and-paper work to do while I'm in there! (It's funny how computer-bound we are. I have to remind myself to save certain tasks like brainstorming, reviewing print proofs, and reading mail for pumping time.) The room is clean and seldom-used, and there's a phone so I can check in on Kate while I'm in there too.

Most importantly, I have never been barged in on once, thanks to my sign, which has now caused my male colleague significant emotional distress while giving my female colleagues and I some fodder for closer personal connection. Say what you want about certain guys being "breast men," but there's nothing like breastfeeding to bring women together.

More Milk Mania

What an interesting time to be a new mother! Apparently, due to some recent articles in the Atlantic and the New Yorker, as well as the NYT piece I wrote about the other day, breastmilk v. formula is the hot topic of debate right now. Last night, I saw this article on Christianity Today's website, once again discussing the merit or malice of the breast pump. Drawing on Jill Lepore's New Yorker article that apparently sparked this debate anew, the CT piece discussed an interesting angle they referred to as "the human milk gap." This is the idea that the pump "lets employers off the hook" by enabling breastfeeding even when women return to work, rather than allowing longer, paid maternity leave like many European nations do.

I'm not going to get into the whole issue again--except to say that if I had been the woman mentioned in the article who had two days worth of milk poured in the garbage by an airport security official, I think I would have physically attacked the guy! Anyway, if you're interested in the topic, it's another good article to read. Yesterday being my first day back at work, it really struck a chord. I pumped twice at the office, and it all went fine.

To update on that, it's definitely quite an adjustment and I feel very sad being away from Kate for so long. I felt more upset last night after my measly two waking hours with her than I did during the day at the office. I feel like I should be with her more. I feel like I'm slacking off in my role as her mother. Hopefully today will involve fewer tears!

Liquid Gold

I am part of a small, strange sisterhood known as "exclusive pumpers." For whatever reason--our own physical limitations, those of the baby, or inexplicable happenstance--we do not nurse our babies at the breast, but spend hours each day expressing milk with which to bottlefeed our infants. When people ask "are you breastfeeding?" we don't know exactly what to say. Many nursing mothers pump when they have to be away from their babies--at work, for example--or to help relieve engorgement early on, but for us, this intermediate step becomes a lifestyle unto itself. Lacking the self-regulating nature of nursing (by which the breasts make just as much as the baby needs), we take special care to keep our production up, counting and preserving each ounce as if it were liquid gold.

After Kate had trouble eating those first few days, and lost 13% of her birth weight by day 5, the pediatrician told me to start feeding her pumped milk ASAP. If she did not gain enough back by day 7, she would have to be admitted to PICU for Failure to Thrive. (Talk about terrifying a couple of new parents!) We went home, began feeding her expressed milk, and witnessed a swift turnaround as Kate immediately began to have clear, content wake and sleep periods, and gained eight ounces in two days. I offered her the breast some during that second week, mainly for my own sake as I worried about bonding and felt disappointed that we were unable to nurse. She never really took to it, though, and I got over it surprisingly quickly--within another week or so.

Those days feel like a distant memory, as pumping has become such a part of our lives. At first, it felt overwhelming, pumping every three hours, even through the night, setting alarms to get me up, keeping track of how many ounces I was producing, watching our electric bill go up significantly from the two or more hours a day the pump is on, and the water bill too, from the washing of the pump parts after each session. I set up shop and type one-handed at the kitchen table multiple times a day (at first, about eight, now just five or six), and we pack up the pump to go with us when we're going to be gone more than four hours or so. I even pump in the car, using the battery pack, when necessary. It's a labor of love, and now as natural a part of childcare to us as feeding and diapering. We have a whiteboard on the fridge to keep track of feeding and pumping times (one schedule, my brain could handle, but two requires ink). A metal tray lined with paper towels lets the pump parts dry on top of the fridge between pumpings. I produce almost twice the amount we need, so my frozen stash in the garage's chest freezer will last us even beyond the time I stop pumping.

Matt, who has been very supportive of my decision to be an exclusive pumper, recently stumbled on a New York Times article called "Ban the Breast Pump." The writer, Judith Warner, isn't down on breastfeeding altogether, though she rightly decries the current trend of bashing the formula-feeding mother. However, she thinks the breast pump is so degrading to women's "physical dignity" that women who must work or otherwise can't nurse their babies should just give up on giving babies breastmilk and switch to formula. Now, I've got nothing against women who choose to formula feed--that's what works out best for some families, and that's fine. But, I do find Ms. Warner's degradation of the pump and women who use it as slaves to a barbaric and archaic torture device somewhat offensive. She not only doubts the AAP's findings on the benefits of breastfeeding, she even seconds another writer's assertion that husbands don't want to have sex with women whose nipples have been so literally put through the ringer. She also comments that pumping made her feel like a cow. Honestly, I don't feel so much like a cow as like one of the women in Monty Python's "Christmas in Heaven" scene, with my boobs out all the time while otherwise fully clothed! (Wish I could have found a better photo online, but you get the idea!)

Personally, I find the practice of pumping for Kate very satisfying and gratifying. I'm glad to be able to give her my milk. The AAP identifies many benefits to breast milk (which, unlike Ms. Warner, I believe), and despite the aforementioned pump-related costs, I'm pretty sure it's still much cheaper than formula. It's costly in terms of time (I've been hooked to the pump a total of 6.5 of the 84 days Kate's been alive) but I do feel proud of putting this natural female ability to work (picture 29 gallons of milk!) and I feel it's worth the time and effort. If I came to resent Kate for it, or felt it was robbing me of too much interactive time with her, I would stop. But for now, exclusive pumping is working well for our family, and I plan to keep it up as long as I can.

First Week Feeding Frustrations

We brought Kate home from the hospital a week ago today, so I wanted to write a little update on how we're doing. To put it mildly, Matt and I are smitten. Kate is the most precious creature we've ever encountered, and we love her so much!

Our main challenge has been in the feeding department. Kate wasn't a very good nurser even in the hospital, but since babies are born pretty well nourished-up from life in utero, and don't actually get hungry for a few days, the magnitude of her feeding difficulties did not become apparent until we got home. She would latch on to the breast only briefly, taking three or four sucks and then letting go, or falling asleep almost as soon as she was put to the breast. (In the hospital, the lactation consultant had originally thought we had a latching problem, due to Kate's desire to suck her tongue and get it in the way, but later just said her sucking was "uncoordinated.") We would have some "successful" feedings, but with her starting and stopping, I didn't realize just how little milk she was really getting. She cried a lot and sometimes refused to nurse altogether Saturday and Sunday. It breaks my heart to think she was really getting hungry, and yet for whatever reason, could not/would not eat.

I could go into more detail, but given the feelings of angst and even failure I felt in those first few days, I'd rather not. It brings tears to my eyes even now to think of it. Suffice it to say, by Monday morning, I called the lactation consultant at the hospital (who I had tried to call Saturday, but she does not work weekends), and she told us to go to the pediatrician ASAP. So, we did, and found that Kate had lost a significant amount of weight over the weekend. The doctor insisted we start bottle feeding pumped milk immediately. I had already been pumping since Saturday, at the advice of my mom's cousin, who is a nursery nurse in California, since I was clearly making more than Kate was eating, and we didn't want my supply to go down. So, we went home and fed her a bottle. Though her sucking was still "lazy," starting and stopping and all, she found it much easier and was able to eat a good amount. From there, things got much better as she was able to sleep well, had clear alert periods, and was much more content overall. We went back to the pediatrician on Wednesday, and the doctor was extremely impressed with the amount that she'd gained back in only two days! So, she's now doing great, and I am pumping and bottle-feeding every few hours, around the clock.

I have definitely been disappointed at not being able to breastfeed her directly, but I am glad to be giving her my milk. As I sobbed to her while bottle feeding her my milk that first day, "I made this for you!" We met with the lactation consultant Tuesday, who was very helpful and hopeful that Kate would feed directly from the breast at least some of the time. Since then, she'll take a nip from the breast now and again, but still gets the bulk of her meal from the bottle. I'm trying to focus on what makes Kate happy and healthy, and not on my own wishes for how this would go, but I'm going to keep working with the consultant to see if we can make progress toward Kate getting at least some of her meals straight from the breast.

Physically, I've been doing pretty well, as the immense discomfort in my nether-regions, resulting from the third degree episiotomy, is gradually improving. In the hospital, it was painful and extremely difficult just to get in and out of bed, not to mention going to the bathroom. I'm still not at 100%, but feeling much, much better. (Advice to other new moms--don't put a mirror down there for at least a week!!)

The emotional side has been a bit more shaky, with the aforementioned feeding frustrations and feelings of failure. In those first few days at home, I cried at least once a day. A good feeding would fill me with confidence that everything would be fine from then on, and a bad feeding would send me to the depths of despair. Love for this child is so overwhelming that all I want in the world is for her to be happy and healthy, and in those moments when she was screaming in frustration and flailing her arms at my breast, I felt I was failing in that most basic goal. Being prone to depression as I am, I have long worried that I would suffer from postpartum depression, and of course, it could still set in, but I do feel quite happy overall, my sadness limited to this breastfeeding issue. I am discovering love on an entirely different plane, and every day is filled with the joy of getting to know and care for this amazing little person.