Foster Parenting Reflections

My most recent post for Vanderbilt Children's Hospital's Wishing Well blog is up today: Foster Parenting: the Good, the Bad, the Ugly.

I was nervous to be the "voice of foster parenting" for the blog, having been at it less than three years (and with only three official placements, thanks to BGC's extended stay!) but I tried to make clear that I'm only speaking from our experiences, with the gaps filled in somewhat from stories I've read on other foster moms' blogs.

I used the above pic of Claire and a little girl we did respite for. (It was BGC's first weekend with us and we'd already agreed to do respite, so we had FOUR little girls for four days. It was awesome.) It's hard to find good pictures of foster kids that I can share publicly, since their faces can't be visible. But Claire looked kind of forlorn in this pic, so it seemed to suit the topic!

To update on BGC, she did finally move to be with her pre-adoptive family!!! We are so excited for them. We'd hoped we'd see her walk unassisted before leaving our home, but she was really close—walking with just a hand to hold—and just a few weeks later, started to walk on her own. We saw a video of her getting up from a sit and taking four or five steps—so exciting! I can't wait to see it in person at a shower for BGC and her new mommy next week.

I mention in my Wishing Well post our frustration with how slowly things move in foster care. I can't count the number of times I said about BGC, "I'm sure by [X month] she'll have moved," and then many more months passed by! When she finally did move, it was so anticlimactic (preceded by a week or two of "maybe tomorrow" or "maybe Monday") that I forgot to tell our parents when she'd actually moved! It was kind of funny how both sets asked me, maybe three days or a week after, "So how's BGC?" or "Did BGC end up moving?" and I had to be like "oh yeah, last Wednesday!"

She will still be "in the system" for a while, since kids have to be with the family that plans to adopt them for at least six months before the adoption can take place. That would be early December, so maybe before Christmas, she'll have permanency! Another "maybe". . . shouldn't get our hopes up too much. There is also the complication of termination of parental rights. BGC's dad is contesting the motion, so there is a trial for that coming up as well. I feel for him, understanding the emotional resistance to just giving her up voluntarily, but there is just no way he could give her the care and stability she needs.

DCS gives/encourages families to take a break after a long placement, so we are officially "on hold" right now. Given that we'll go on hold again when Baby 3 is imminent, there isn't much time to offer care, but we do hope to provide a short-term home for a child in need before taking another break while Baby 3 is small.

"I gave you each other!"

This is what I say to my girls when the cries of "I'm bored!" or "I don't know what to play with!" get too annoying. "You have a sister to play with! I gave you each other!"

And actually, they're really good at playing with each other. I love hearing them have pretend tea parties and birthday parties, and run their little mom-and-pop general store outside, peddling in sticks and stones and dandelions. But sometimes it takes me refusing to pull out a board game or coloring book (or turn on a screen--grumble) to make them play by themselves. I think kids (mine especially, but I'm sure I'm not alone!) are getting too accustomed to having their days orchestrated by Mom and Dad, with activities and play dates, and the wide open spaces of children's play are getting limited.

I wrote about that for Vanderbilt's Wishing Well blog this month, starting with a typical scene in the Kelley house:


I was putting away the groceries one evening, overhearing the shrieks of my 3- and 6-year-old kids through the screen door as they played in the backyard. The baby was pulling snacks out of the bags on the floor, while I hurried to get frozen foods into the freezer after a way-too-slow, traffic-clogged drive home. My husband was, surprisingly, still not home, and despite all the food I’d just bought, I wasn’t quite sure what I would fix for dinner.

That’s when I heard the cries of my younger daughter from outside, rejecting her big sister’s efforts to push her on the swing, demanding that Mommy come push instead.

This is the sort of scenario when I, like most busy parents, usually feel a pang of guilt. Dinner can wait, right? A good mom would eagerly rush to her child’s side and push that swing, right? I should have been out there anyway, to make sure no one gets hurt or kidnapped, right?

I’m learning, however, to quiet that voice and remind myself that it’s okay for my kids to play by themselves sometimes. More than okay, actually. Essential.

Read the rest on Wishing Well...

Project Life: June and July

I'm in a quandry: I need (and want!) to share all about Claire's birthday party from going-on two weeks ago, especially since a dear friend took tons of photos of the party FOR me, which was such a gift. But, I only have five minutes, and since said friend also mentioned how much she loves my scrapbooking posts, I won't feel too bad about sharing some scrapbook pages instead. (Especially since I only catch every other monthly Project Life linkup with The Mom Creative, and she missed last month herself, I better take advantage of the linky motivation :0)

Soooo . . . here's my June and July!

The week of Memorial Day, we had our little vacation-staycation, including some fun at-home things like swimming, the zoo, and a baseball game, plus three days at Wilderness at the Smokies.

In June, I finally got to use some fun boyish papers I'd had in my stash for a while for a traditional 12 x 12 page. Our brother- and sister-in-law came to visit, and we got some sweet pics with our nephews and of the girls with their cousins. They are more private about social media stuff than we are, so I'll just share a little snip of the page. It was too cute.

And Matt's parents took the kids to a Frozen-themed event, which made for a fun "Let It Go" page, another 12 x 12. Sometimes, if I don't have the embellishments or fancy paper the page seems to need, I'll just paint the paper. They're not the best swirls ever, but they fit the bill to round out the page.

 Some more summer fun made for a mashup page with just a pic or two for each event.

 I love embellishing my month divider cards with extra papers and photos. I used packing tape to "laminate" this whole card-photo combo to keep it all together.

 Gotta get those extra words and pics in wherever you can!

I really love the Becky Higgins Design F pages, with just one 4 x 6 and a bunch of 3 x 4 slots. You can make such a montage of photos from one event, and all these red, white, and blue pics from our Fourth of July were perfect.

Also in July were a few things about Kate making the transition from preschool to kindergarten, but maybe I'll share all that in a school-themed post soon. Have a great day!

Decking the Halls

I'm linking up today with Kelly Stamps' Holiday Home Tour, and looking back at my post for that link-up two years ago, I see what a creature of habit I am. So many things are in exactly the same place! I've changed a few things, and some things I changed last year, but now they're just like the before that!

In any case, welcome to our lovely abode, all decked out for the holidays.

Lots of nativities around the hearth--advent calendars, play nativity, and the shiny metal one on the mantle.

There are still a few gifts to arrive, but I've wrapped what we have. I love to wrap gifts!

I did the dining room table differently this year, with a tray I found at a thrift store, filled with candles, ornaments, angels, and greenery, and ornaments hanging from beads on the light fixture.

A simpler Advent wreath on the kitchen table this year (since I hung the actual wreath above the mantle!)

stairway

My favorite holly jollies: the kiddos, decorating our gingerbread house!

Welcome to any visitors, and Merry Christmas!

3 Creative Clothing Savers

I'm guest posting today over on fellow Nashvillian, girl mom, and media professional Jamie Reeves' BlondeMomBlog as part of her "15 Minutes to Fabulous" series. I love her tagline, "Pontificating about poop and pinot noir since 2005."

In true Parsonage Family fashion, I talk about three easy, crafty ways to make up for poor housekeeping. (That's me in a nutshell, really: "Saying yes to paper and glue and no to bleach and mops since 2006.")

Check it out, and pin it, if you like!

Pastor's Wives Uncensored

My friend Kim invited me to participate in her blog series, Pastor's Wives Uncensored. I confess my previous status as a "disgruntled" pastor's wife, and also explain some of my recovery from that cynicism.

Here's a little teaser:

Unlike Kim, I wasn’t turned off at all by the idea of dating a pastor/pastor-to-be. Matt was working in youth ministry when we met on our first night of orientation at Vanderbilt Divinity School. Being a religion major in college, and going on to study religion in grad school, I already had a notion of hoping to marry a man preparing to be either a pastor or professor. My parents told me to hang out next door at the Law School, but I liked spiritual, scholarly types, and knew there was a good chance of getting my MRS at the same place I was getting my MTS (Master of Theological Studies).

Go read the rest on Kim's blog, The Seeds You Sow.

12 on 12-12-12

Last year we had 11-11-11, and I linked up with Dear Lizzy to share what I was doing at 11:11 on that day. This year, Elizabeth has been doing a "12 on 12" series, sharing twelve pictures from her day on the twelfth of every month, and though it seems she wasn't even thinking about the triple fun of 12-12-12, I decided to snap twelve pics on 12-12-12 for a little "day in the life" post.

I didn't take any during our crazy-rushed morning time, or after returning home at night (finally! we have something going on every night this week) so my day was pretty much divided into two parts: work and church.

Part One: Work

1. My colleagues and I broke out the Christmas decorations a few days ago, which mainly consist of a bunch of wreaths and a skinny little tree (see item 4). I love having some festivity in the office.

2.  I spent part of my morning reviewing the designer's proofs for the next issue of Circuit Rider. Gotta get to pre-press before everybody takes off for their Christmas holidays!

3. I joined the "stand up desk" revolution that is popular now in our company. So, lots of us have these desktop platforms to raise our computers up so we stand while working. Better for circulation, energy, etc.

4. Our little Charlie Brown Christmas tree in the coffee cube. It's decorated with a string of paper clips and a paper star made of yellow Post-It notes.

5. My new obsession is Yast.com, an online time tracker. I can start and stop the timers on my main projects and see how much time I'm spending on various tasks. It also keeps me from flitting around between tasks, because I know the clock is running on a certain project.

6. Ministry Matters editorial meeting. We all have the same ceramic and silicon coffee mug.

 

Part Two: Church

7. Wednesday night dinner this week was spaghetti. Kate ate two helpings. I put the non-messy elements in front of Claire to eat herself, but she screamed because she only wanted the meat sauce, which I fed her myself off my plate!

8. and 9. Cutie Claire eating an eclair.

10. Claire kept busy during Bible study by playing with both Matt's and my phones and the TV remote, juggling between all of them, tapping the screens and putting them to her ear in turn. "Ala?" She looked like a silly character in a movie, answering a bunch of phones at once.

11. Our study right now is A Different Kind of Christmas, based on Mike Slaughter's book, Christmas Is Not Your Birthday, which I edited. I love Mike's stuff!

12. Choir practice. Wednesdays are a long night, with choir starting at the time we're usually getting the girls in their jammies! Our Christmas cantata is this Sunday morning, so this was a can't-miss rehearsal!

Speaking of which, if you're in the Nashville area, join us for worship at 10:00 Sunday morning at Arlington UMC, or at 5:00 that evening for The Road, our casual evening worship (with free dinner!)

Ode to Dr. Blackwell

In honor of Clergy Appreciation Month (October, if you weren't aware) Ministry Matters is doing a blog tour and link-up in which pastors and others share about a "minister who mattered" to them. We've got Mike Slaughter, Jessica LaGrone, Max Lucado, Adam Hamilton, Matthew Paul Turner, Grace Biskie, and others blogging over Oct. 1-14, and everyone is invited to participate. What a great way to honor someone who made a difference in your faith and life! Check it out and link up at MinistryMatters.com/blogtour.

I've known a lot of great ministers in my time—from my home church, family friends, and now various friends and colleagues, and of course, my husband! But the person who stands out in my mind is not ordained clergy at all. You don't have to be a pastor to be a minister, remember. Arguably the person who had the greatest impact on my faith journey was one of my religion professors at Furman University, Dr. Albert Blackwell.

Sometimes, when Christian kids are headed off to college, they are warned to guard their faith, to be wary of  those evil, atheist professors who will try to educate their faith out of them. That's a bit of a caricature, of course, and I don't recall a specific warning of that nature from my very moderate faith community growing up—but I do recall that, even though I entered college with the thought of youth ministry as a possible career, I avoided taking religion classes my first semester. Maybe even my whole first year. "Academic study of religion" had a bad rap in some circles, since such classes would expose a person to views of the Bible and theology beyond the "party line" of whatever organization was doing the warning.

Once I started my religion classes, though, I found my whole world enlivened with deeper understanding of the cultures from which the Bible emerged. I was excited by theological discussions, the way different people or groups of people had different ideas about God, influenced by their context and life experience. I recall the exhilarating session of Religion in America with Dr. Helen Lee Turner when we watched a documentary about the ideological shift of the Southern Baptist Convention in the early 1980s and I knew that I wanted to study evangelical and fundamentalist movements in American church history. (And that's what I indeed focused on during my M.T.S. studies at Vanderbilt!)

The religion department at Furman (perhaps unlike many other universities) was full of professors whose faith was part-and-parcel with their scholarship, whose work was fueled by a love for the church and a desire to see it better reflect the God it serves. Dr. Blackwell was no exception to that, but he was exceptional nonetheless. Tall and distinguished, he embodied an unpretentious commitment to Christ and the Christian life. When I picture him, I see him standing at the front of the classroom, a long torso with belt exactly halfway between the soles of his shoes and the crown of his head, feet planted as if thick, tangled roots connected him deep and wide to the source of the wisdom he spoke.

Classes were conducted in-the-round, encouraging discussion of the texts we'd read for the day. I was at first intimidated to speak up, feeling like whatever I said was shallow or unsubstantiated, but one day I made some sort of semi-insightful comment (I don't even remember what it was) and he responded by taking a lollipop out of his shirt pocket and presenting it to me with subtle fanfare and affirmation that gave me confidence to engage further in the class.

His career in religion began when, while finishing his degree in physics at M.I.T., he attended a lecture by theologian Paul Tillich, and decided to pursue graduate work in theology at Harvard Divinity School. With this background in science and math, and a love of music, Dr. Blackwell saw the divine element in all areas of life. Furman was not a publish-or-perish environment, so it is fitting that Dr. Blackwell's most recent book is 1999's The Sacred in Music. He directed the choir at his church and was working with his wife to compose new tunes for the Psalms, I recall. (I see online now he has choral anthems available for free use by churches.) He drew some mathematical formula on the board in class once, and being math-dumb as I am, it was completely over my head, but I recall the lesson was something about how infinity—The Infinite—changes everything.

Dr. Blackwell opened my eyes to Jesus' mandate that we serve the poor and work for justice. My politics did shift in college, as many people's do, but directly as a result of deeper engagement with Jesus' gospel. Dr. Blackwell often used the term "liberality of love" to describe the all-encompassing generosity with which Christ calls us to live our lives. "Liberal" was a dirty word in my house growing up, mainly equated with permissiveness. Rather than a synonym for libertine, I came to understand "liberal" in the same sense a recipe would call for "a liberal amount of vanilla." It's about generosity, compassion, and love for humanity.

Dr. Blackwell's teaching—nay, ministry—had an incalculable impact on my path in adulthood. He contributed to the passion for studying American religion and culture, with which I headed off to grad school and planned to become a professor myself. (My eventual decision not to pursue a Ph.D. is a post for another day!) He instilled in me concern and compassion for the poor that has transformed my Christian life and hopefully will continue to shape all I do. Not least, he also gave me a new set of eyes to see God's presence in the world around me. God didn't just make the trees and the animals—he made the particles and forces that make electricity work. He made all the stuff that is in steel and medicine and everything else that we think of as man-made. His hand is in it all. (This has come to mind a lot recently as Kate learned in school recently how "God made everything," and she comes to me with a random object like a plastic kitchen strainer, asking "Why are there holes in it? Is that how God made it?" Hmmm...)

As I wrote my final exam for Dr. Blackwell's Religious Approaches to Meaning class my last semester of college, I was surprised/amused to find I'd essentially written the same essay for both exam questions. I don't recall the questions, but my answers were both focused on the "middle way," a way of living that keeps a hand on earth and an eye on heaven. The "approaches to meaning" that were too earth-focused were devoid of eternal significance, and those that were based in spiritual ecstasy were "no earthly good," as the saying goes.

I handed in my paper and told Dr. Blackwell how both questions led me to the same answer. He responded sagely, "Perhaps you've discovered the grain of the universe." Indeed; it is more or less my version of the meaning of life, which I tend to summarize with the title refrain from Chris Rice's album "Run the earth and watch the sky."

I'd say Dr. Blackwell is an earth-runner-sky-watcher as well. He strives to make an impact here on earth, investing in the lives of countless students and working for justice through various ministries, always with God in his heart, Christ as his guide.

I was honored to be part of Dr. Blackwell's retirement festivities in 2004, the year after I graduated. The day included a panel on religion and social justice with several of Dr. Blackwell's former students, from class of 1973 to class of 2003 (me), and a musical concert that evening. The only photo I could find beyond the web-stolen one above was, of course, on the page in my scrapbook about the event. Those were the days before my digital camera (and, apparently, before lipstick and eyeliner :0) The little photo to the right was in the Furman alumni magazine, of Dr. Blackwell at the 2003 Commencement, holding a little sign that wished "Godspeed!" to the graduates processing by.

Godspeed to you, Dr. Blackwell. Thank you for your influence on my life and those of so many others. Your ministry matters!
__________________________________________

Blog about someone who made a difference to you and link up at MinistryMatters.com/blogtour, any time before Oct. 14.

Ten Days and a Thousand Miles

I've fallen asleep on the couch three nights out of the past seven. Very tired. But it's been a busy June. And I've developed an aversion to blogging, apparently, since it has taken me a week to knock this silly post out! Anyway, in the middle of the month, our family had a wild ten days of traveling and playing and ordaining and eating and more traveling and more eating and playing.

Two weeks ago, I took the girls up for a visit to my parents' in Louisville for a quick Friday-night to Sunday-afternoon visit. That Saturday, we went to Frankfort, Ky. to meet up with bloggy friend Kim and her kiddos for lunch and to visit the Salato Wildlife Center—basically a little zoo for animals native to Kentucky. We crammed a visit to a kids boutique in there as well, such that Kim's kids had about had it before we saw much of Salato. Still, it was good to see her (only the second time we'd met in person!) and my parents, the girls, and I enjoyed seeing the rest of the Kentucky wildlife.

There were buffalo, deer, a bear, and a wildcat (of course!) but the coolest might have been this pond of catfish and other prehistoric-looking fish that I can't remember the names of. There was a tunnel so we could see them up close under the water!

After ice cream (for the adults at least—Kate fell asleep about 30 seconds before we turned into the Dairy Queen drive-thru!) and a nice long nap, we went to a little outdoor concert where my old youth minister was playing and saw a bunch of old church friends (i.e. my parents' friends that I don't see very often!).

Sunday, we went to church and Kate helped Popi in the yard for a while before the girls, Mom, and I headed back to Nashville.

Mom got to experience Arlington's new Sunday evening alternative worship, The Road, and hang out Monday until Dad came down too for. . . (drumroll please!) . . . Matt's ordination!

Yes, he's been in ministry for thirteen years and has been the solo/senior pastor of churches for the last five years, but in The United Methodist Church, you're not ordained until you've jumped through all sorts of hoops. I'd give more detail, but my snark is flaring up, so I'll just stop there. Hooray—he's finally ordained!

Mom and Dad took Kate back to Louisville with them from Tuesday through (last) Saturday for some fun grandparent time swimming and playing outside and going to the zoo and splash park. With five full days, my parents experienced the full range of Kate's mercurial moods, including a laying-on-the-ground temper tantrum in a parking lot outside a Hallmark store. Now Mom understands why I say I can't get anything done while Kate's awake :0)

The first night Kate was away, Claire got to go to her first movie! Being little (and easily quieted by a boob) has its advantages, I guess. We got to see a sneak preview of "Unconditional," based on the true story of Joe Bradford, a Nashville man who became father to countless fatherless kids in the projects. Very inspiring. Claire did great, and it was fun to have kind of a date (we ate at Panera before the movie) with quiet baby just tagging along.

Matt had to go out of town for the next few days, so our family was scattered all over and it was just Claire and I for three days, which was actually a lot of fun. She's such an easy baby (minus still waking up at 4 am, but no big deal) so we had nice evenings and stress-free bedtimes, followed by several hours of room-straightening, kid-clothes-sorting, Goodwill-boxing, a bit of blogging, and some nice scrapbooking time too. I stayed up till midnight each night, so satisfied to actually be getting stuff done! I kept asking myself why I can't do that normally, but when we're all home, I tend to be exhausted by the time Kate is asleep, and can only manage to check email or lounge on the couch with Matt.

Matt returned late Friday night, and Saturday was filled with more productivity as I got my car completely detailed (You know you're a mom when you have to tell the guy, "there's ink on that seat, and vomit back there.") It's so nice to have my car all clean!! And while the car was being done, Matt and I went to the mall, where I used a Groupon for a mani-pedi, took advantage of a huge sale at Gymboree, and we ate at Panera again. Matt said he couldn't remember the last time he actually enjoyed a visit to the mall :0)

Mom and Dad brought Kate back that afternoon, and we all (Matt's parents included) went out for an Italian feast at Maggiano's to celebrate Matt's ordination a little belatedly. We also celebrated Father's Day at dinner as well. Our actual Father's Day looked like this:

I should mention I also PREACHED on Father's Day—something I have only done a couple of times in my life, but I had some thoughts brewing and it wasn't too painful this time, since I wrote the sermon over the course of several weeks, not just the week before, which leads me to have a total panic attack, which stresses Matt out as well :0) If you want to read my sermon, it is posted in text at MinistryMatters.com and as a podcast on the Arlington website. My topic was parenting as an act of stewardship. 

Hope you had a good Father's Day. Can't believe June is almost over already!

In Real Life #inRL

Several weeks ago, I signed up to attend the Nashville (in)RL—"in real life," that is—event put on by (in)courage, the women's blog community run by Dayspring. The idea is that while sites like (in)courage promote online community, and real friendships do develop online, it's great to meet face to face, "in real life," as well. "IRL" is an acronym for "in real life" used on blogs to talk about people you know offline and blog friends you get to meet offline.

Turned out, I had an even more IRL weekend than I expected! Wednesday night, I got an email from IRL friend Kristen (who I met at Matt's high school reunion, since she and her husband went to BHS with Matt) asking if we wanted to come to dinner Friday with Kim and her husband and kids. Kim also went to high school with Kristen and Matt, but since Kim was getting married on the same day as the reunion, and in another state, she wasn't there, and I somehow found her blog from Kristen's as Kristen and I got to know each other better. Kim and I became friends just by reading and commenting on each other's blogs.

So we were all so excited to get together on Friday when Kim and her husband Josh (a church planter in Kentucky, who I actually interviewed for Ministry Matters) were in town so Josh could run the Music City Marathon the next morning. It was funny to talk to Kim on the phone briefly and chat like friends but be hearing a totally unfamiliar voice! We went to the Aquarium Restaurant at the newly-reopened Opry Mills mall. With six adults and six kids under age six, we were a big noisy group, getting up and down to look at the fish, change babies in the restroom, wrangle runaway toddlers. . .

Looking at the 200,000 gallon aquarium in the middle of the restaurant.

Kristen, Kim, and baby Lilly (one month older than Claire and about eight pounds heavier!)

Landon (just a few weeks younger than Kate), Kate, and Daddy,
and Addie in the background, taking tons on pics on her mom's iPhone!

Kate, Landon, and Landon's big sister Addie (almost 6)

Claire, wishing she could get up to look at the fish, or at least eat some of my delicious stuffed shrimp. 

Kim, me, and Kristen, with most of the kiddos
(Claire was in her seat at my feet and Jake was running off somewhere!)

It was so fun to meet up with these other families. I've been so amazed the last couple years how online friends can be "real," even when you haven't met face to face. With Kim and family living in Kentucky, just an hour or so from my parents, I'm sure we'll meet up again. And I hope my Texas blog buddy, Rachel, and I can meet in person one day! Even friends who live locally, we got to know each other through blogs, and connect more often online, via blog comments or Facebook, than in person. What an amazing time we live in.

The actual (in)RL event Saturday night was fun. Great food, worship, door prizes (see below, which I got when I was the person in the room who had given birth most recently!)

Joshua 1:9 canvas from Dayspring, now hanging in my laundry room.

I had hoped the gathering would include more intentional conversations and connection-making for potential IRL friendships, but it was still fun and nice to meet some new people. I'm an introvert, so maybe I just need more help than most! I was actually channeling my inner-extrovert really well; I almost didn't recognize myself!

(Didn't take my camera; this pic is from @jessicanturner's instagram feed.)

Bottom line, this weekend really affirmed how blogs and other social media really can bring people together in real life. I've enhanced some friendships, and maybe made a couple new ones as well.

theparsonagefamily.com

... no longer belongs to a certain Mr. and Mrs. Parsonage who live in California! Hooray!

I looked into getting my own domain a couple years ago, but an actual family with the last name "Parsonage" owned theparsonagefamily.com (though they weren't even using it), and rather than decide on an option like .net or parsonagefam or something, I just went on with my life and didn't worry about it.

But after spending a good five minutes on Sunday telling someone "matt-and-jess-no, not an ampersand-kelley-with-an-EY-dot-blog-spot..." I thought maybe it was time to look into an easier URL. And lo and behold, the Parsonages have given it up. Actually, they might be the same Parsonages who own the Parsonage Family Winery (no, despite the stock in my pantry, that is not us) who are now found at www.parsonagewines.com.

Technically, we don't live in a parsonage anymore, but hey, Vanderbilt Wife's husband isn't at Vanderbilt anymore either. So, all that said, you can now find the homeowning Rev. and Mrs. Kelley-with-an-EY with the adorable kids at (drumroll please)...

www.theparsonagefamily.com!

Tell your friends. And thanks for reading. :0)

P.S. It's still hosted through Blogger and everything, so you don't need to reset your Reader or anything. Thanks!

Our Love Story Linkup

I'm notoriously into celebrating holidays small and large. And, I love responding to questionnaires! So I jumped at the idea of this linkup on From Mrs. to Mama's blog.

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

8 1/2 years. Wow. That's getting frighteningly close to the 10-year/one-third of our lives mark. Eek! 

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

We met Aug. 24, 2003--the day I moved to Nashville. Our orientation at Vanderbilt Divinity School began with a salad supper in the Refectory, which included some welcome talks from the deans and some get-to-know-you games. We met during a game of People Bingo. Matt approached me and we introduced ourselves. I could tell he was interested in me, so I decided to be coy when he offered to sign my bingo sheet. "I've already got five in a row," I said. "I don't need you!"

That was a Sunday night. We chatted at various gatherings that week, and at a party on Friday night, he asked if I wanted to "hang out" Saturday night. I assumed "hang out" meant pizza and movie at his apartment, but when he called to finalize the time, he said he was taking me to dinner at the Opryland Hotel. That was a "date-date," and it was a really great first date. It was while sitting on a bench in one of the hotel's conservatories that we discovered how much we had in common and really connected.

We spent tons of time together over the next six weeks or so, which then got overwhelming. We "took a break" from mid-October 2003 until March 2004, during which time I casually dated someone else and Matt and I became best friends. Our more-than-friends-ness became the elephant in the room by February, and the day I told Matt I'd broken up with the other guy and asked him to be my date for the upcoming Divinity School Gala was the beginning of the rest of our lives, since we knew that getting back together was "for good."

3. If married, how long have you been married? If not, is this the guy you hope to marry? {do tell}
We got engaged in November 2005 and married October 14, 2006. So that's almost 5 1/2 years now!

4. If you are married, where did you get married? Big or small wedding?  If not, where would you like to get married? And will it be big or small?

Our wedding was in Louisville at St. Paul UMC, with a dinner-and-dancing reception at the Brown Hotel. It was pretty big, and just fabulous!

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!

Nothing in particular. Baby. Sweetie. Dear. We try to be intentional sometimes about calling each other by our names. It feels more intimate than nicknames sometimes, don't you think? 

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

He's selfless, patient, and and loves me in spite of my flaws. (That's all one, that goes under the heading of "great husband!")
He is such a great father. He would do absolutely anything for his girls, takes Kate on special "daddy-daughter dates," and is very intentional in his words and actions with her.
He's a great pastor. Yes, I often wish he had a "normal job" (i.e. 9-to-5 with weekends free!) but I also really admire his work in ministry, the way he cares for people and helps people grow closer to God. It is not a job for the faint of heart!

Super-Daddy!

7. Tell us how he proposed? Or your ideal proposal?

Matt hid the ring inside a matryoshka—a Russian nesting doll—since I love all things Russian. He brought it to my apartment as a "housewarming gift," since I was about to move into the duplex that we had picked out together to be our first home when we got married (so obviously, I knew a proposal was coming sometime!) As I oohed and ahhed over the gift and opened the doll's layers, revealing the story of the Ugly Duckling (a personal favorite and somewhat of an inside joke!) it suddenly dawned on me this might be his proposal. When I got down to the smallest doll that could still fit a ring inside, I tried to discreetly shake it to see if there was anything inside. I didn't hear anything, so I thought "ok, no, this isn't it." I opened it to see a princess-cut diamond ring nestled in tissue paper to keep it from rattling, since he knew I would shake it—just like he knew I would poke around his apartment for a ring and therefore hid it at his friend's place!

V-day 2011 in the Clarksville parsonage

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?
Sometimes he has brought flowers home, and he makes sure we have wine in the house, but we usually just mutually decide to go out for dinner or to cook Italian food (our favorite) at home. When we go all out, our Italian feasts include caprese (tomatoes and mozzarella cheese), bread with dipping oil, pasta, and wine. Heavenly!

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?
We're not huge beach people, though I do enjoy a nice dinner anywhere. We definitely enjoy curling up to watch movies or TV shows we missed. 

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant other one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?
We dream of living abroad for a while, even if it's just a month or two. We want to experience another culture as residents as opposed to tourists, renting an apartment and going grocery shopping, etc. We think it would be great for our kids to experience another culture in that way as well. (And that is actually probably a less stressful way to take kids abroad than dealing with hotels and restaurants all the time!)

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.
We're going out this Friday night—avoid the Feb. 14th rush! (Plus, weeknights are always busy for us anyway!)

Me on our V-day date, pre-kids (2008)

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?
No, we don't do gifts for V-day or anniversaries. Just cards sometimes. Last year, I asked him to write me a love note. After balking at my romanticism at first, he ended up writing notes to me, to Kate, and to "Baby Kelley #2," who we didn't even know for sure existed yet!—Valentine's fell during the few weeks between "trying" and taking the pregnancy test. Sure enough, Claire was in there, so now we have a sweet note for the baby book, showing how we loved her even before we knew her!

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.
Just sit and talk. In that precious hour or two between getting the kids to bed and hitting the hay myself (since I can't stay up with Rev. Night-Owl) we too often sit glued to our respective laptops, only interacting to share something funny or interesting we're reading. If we do try to do something together, we generally fall back on the evening entertainment from our pre-parenthood days, "should we watch a movie or play a game?" It really brings us together to just sit on the couch with no screens on and TALK!

14.  Show us a picture of what love means to you.

Family cuddle!!!

This whole exercise (rather, the attempt to illustrate it) has shown me just how hard it is a) to find photos of oneself from the pre-digital camera days, and b) to find photos of Matt and I together without kids from the days since becoming parents. Note to self: need to take more "couple" pics!

Happy Valentine's Day, all!