Bittersweet Back to Normal

We went to court again this morning, and learned that Faith's aunt passed her expedited home study just fine, so the little darling would be going to live with her aunt and cousins. That's a good thing, of course, to be with family, but we were definitely sad to see her go. The aunt came out to our house right after court to collect Faith and her things.

So by a little after 10 this morning, the house was quiet and I was free to get work done more easily than I had for the past week, but I was still pretty blue. I can't imagine how foster parents feel when they hoped to adopt the children in their care, because this was pretty much exactly what we signed up to do—care for kids who need a short-term place to stay until they can be reunited with family or find a permanent adoptive home. It's crazy how one can get attached in one week's time. Faith cried when leaving with her aunt, though not near so much as when I left her with sitters a couple afternoons so I could get some work done. I'm sure she'll settle in just fine and be happy there.

So many people say, "I couldn't foster—I'd get so attached I'd never be able to give them up!" And while, yes, that's not fun, I keep reminding myself that this is not about my feelings. Other people say, "What if you knew they weren't going back into a good situation?" and I'll admit this is my only real qualm today. The aunt seems wonderful, and I'm sure she'll be treated well, but I was definitely surprised and distressed at the car seat situation she had going on. I wish we'd taken action to make it safer, but we didn't want to seem pushy or condescending. I did call the social worker later and ask her to check that out when she visited.

We miss our little sweetie. Kate understands that Faith went to stay with her aunt, so while the girls didn't get to say goodbye, they rolled with it just fine. A few things I'll remember about Faith's time with us:

• cuddling with her before bedtime and naps (it was a nice change to cuddle with someone who wasn't maneuvering to get to my breast!)
• learning how to care for African American hair. After the one time I washed it, I let it go natural for a couple days, which was really cute, I think. (Also related to hair: she had the longest, curliest eyelashes. Strangers would comment on them!)
• her constant messing with the dishwasher latch and knob. She and Claire are both all about getting at stuff when the dishwasher is open, but fortunately Claire didn't learn from Faith how to mess with it when closed!
• Matt and I wrangling three kids on a Saturday outing to the Opryland Hotel for lunch and exploring. I've heard that the jump from two kids to three kids is huge because you are outnumbered, and that was definitely true, so we felt pretty cool to get through it without spilling drinks all over the table or losing a child in the indoor jungles! 
• how sweet all three girls were together. They would spontaneously hug one another, and Claire and Faith would reach out to one another when in their high chairs, side-by-side. They all love to randomly take off their shoes; at one point I think they were all running around the house with just one shoe on!

I can't share identifiable photos of her, of course, but here are two glimpses of our antics this past week:

The dishwasher playground!

Valentine's Day, playing with balloons and other loot.

I hugged my forever kids tighter tonight, and said a prayer for sweet Faith, that her future will be bright.