Anticipatory Grief

I've struggled with anxiety and depression off and on for years. I remember when a counselor once told me I suffer from "anticipatory grief," that is, I get irrationally upset about things that haven't even happened yet. In high school, it was anxiety over handling my finances as an adult and other random adult things that I didn't yet know how to do and was afraid I'd never learn.

I don't think I've succumbed to such irrational fears lately, but last night I had a little episode that I'll have to blame on pregnancy hormones. We were watching The Sound of Music on TV, and I kept noticing how Gretl looks a lot like my friend's little sister did back when I first met her. The little sister was in first grade when I met her, but now is a sophomore in college. As I lamented to Matt how I couldn't believe time had passed so quickly and how old we'd all grown, he commented, "yep, before you know it, Kate will be a sophomore in college too."

At that, I looked down at my pregnant belly... and actually started to cry. "She's going to leave us!" I wailed. She's not even born yet! I'm still sitting on the egg and crying about my empty nest! Matt consoled me and we both laughed (me through the tears) at my silliness, as I vowed to enjoy every minute of this child's life.

The years will go by all too quickly, I know.

Growing

I remember a day months ago when my weekly e-mail from parents.com or babycenter.com informed me that baby was about the size of a pencil eraser. I got so excited and gave Matt a little pink eraser as a "gift" to share the excitement about our growing little one.


It's hard to believe, now she's the size of a honeydew melon--possibly over 5 pounds and almost ready to make her grand entrance into the world!
Our due date is one month from today. Pregnancy has been so exciting and all-consuming, it's quite the reality check to realize that sometime in the next 2 to 5 weeks, she'll actually be OUT, in our arms, and we'll start our life as a family of three!

Are you rich?

Looking up an example for a book I'm editing, I found the following interactive web site:
http://www.globalrichlist.com/

Give it a try. As the Wall Street Journal said, this site is "almost guaranteed to cheer you up" in the face of the current economic crisis. As we bombard one another with "stuff" this Christmas, let us keep in mind and seek to serve the 88%, 94%, 97%, 99%, etc. who live day to day with much less than we.

34 Weeks

I'm 34 weeks now (almost 35) and the bun in the oven is rising splendidly! We can't believe how close we're getting to her arrival. Since one is technically full term as of 37 weeks (Jan. 2 for us) the time is definitely coming soon. I'm hoping she'll be just a little early for her Jan. 23 due date, but we'll see. The important thing is a healthy baby, of course, but pushing out a little porker obviously sounds more painful than a more svelte baby. (For the record, I was born two weeks early and weighed just over 5 pounds. Matt was two weeks late and weighed over 8.)

The nursery is pretty much ready, we've got enough diapers on hand for at least the first few weeks, and we're just excited to meet our little Kate!

Here's a little sneak peak into her world (our second round of 3D ultrasound pics). That's the placenta up against her forehead, and the cord under her chin. She looks pretty cozy in there, don't you think?

Overheard

... in the kids books section of Borders today...

MOM: Honey, stop that. Stop that, please. Honey, whose birthday are we celebrating at Christmas?

KID: Baby Jesus.

MOM: Do you think Baby Jesus would be happy with you pulling books off the shelf like that?

[kid is quiet for a few seconds, then pulls another book off the shelf]

KID: Can we get this for Baby Jesus?