So...it might be a girl

We had our 20-week ultrasound this afternoon. We'd been prepping "Baby Wes" for days, saying "ok, be sure to smile big, and show us your wee-wee." Because of the Intelligender test, we were fairly confident it would be a boy. After all, the site says the test is 90% accurate in lab tests. (Only 80% accurate in actual usage, but that's because of human error and we followed the directions to a T!) You'll recall how distressed I was when the pee turned green, since I had my heart set on a girl. Over the last two months, though, I've talked to Wesley every day, and looked at boy clothes for him, and even let my quest for neutral bedding veer slightly to the boy side. He was "my little guy," and I got kind of attached to (the idea of) him.

As the day of our "big" ultrasound approached, Matt and I talked about how we would feel if it turned out to be a girl. Matt--though ecstatic about a boy--said he would be totally fine either way. I--despite my earlier desire for a girl--knew that I would feel a little wierd about the gender "changing," even just in our minds.

We told our ultrasound technician about the Intelligender test, so she was looking extra-hard for a penis, too. She checked out all the other organs, took lots of measurements and snapshots (all very cool!) and kept going back to the groin area time and again, each time without announcing any conclusion. Matt and I are both totally untrained, obviously, but each time we got a clear shot of the area, it sure looked like a girl to us. No pee-pees here! Just some white lines in the crotch that looked very much like labia. Finally, she said "well, we can't say for sure, but it really looks like a girl to me." See her crotch, with the little white lines? (Picture baby sitting on the glass of a Xerox machine to get a sense of the angle.)

So, Matt and I don't know what to think! We trusted Intelligender, but it really looked like a girl on screen! Ultrasounds are more reliable, of course, if you see a penis than if you don't, because it could just be hiding (and s/he did keep her/his legs together a lot). We're confused now, since we really want to know "for sure"--we are the Internet generation after all, the age of easy-access information! Right now, I feel kind of how I did when Intelligender said it was a boy. I had trouble picturing myself with a boy, so I couldn't think of the baby as one gender or the other, and didn't know how to talk to him. So, we'll let you know if we start thinking of baby as "her" and "Baby Kate" or not, or if we just live in limbo, like they did in "the olden days." Either way, s/he's a cutie, huh?

In closing, I can't help but think of this gem from "Monty Python and the Meaning of Life"...

Woman who's just given birth: "Is it a boy or a girl?"

Doc: "It's a bit early to be assigning roles, don't you think?"

Five Whole Years

Matt and I met five years ago today. Five years ago right about now, in fact. We were at a salad supper in the refectory of Vanderbilt Divinity School, the first event of our new student orientation.

It was the day I moved to Nashville. I had graduated Furman in the spring, and after working my first summer at Passport, I moved into the Disciples House on 20th St., across from The Boundry (a very noisy neighbor, but a very swanky bar and nice place to spend an evening). Matt had just graduated Butler, returned to his hometown, and moved to an apartment on 18th Ave. As I loaded the car in my parents' driveway that morning, I said to them, "I could meet him today!" "Him," of course, was "the One." I'd been single my whole senior year of college (which was great!) but starting grad school in a new place, I was hoping to meet somebody special. Matt had just gotten out of a serious relationship just a few weeks earlier, and walked to the orientation event wondering, "who knows? Maybe I'll meet somebody special."

After we'd eaten and heard welcome speeches from the various deans, a people bingo game was started, so we could mix and mingle. After getting signatures in squares marked "Someone with a cat," "someone who speaks Spanish," etc., and getting five in a row (Bingo!) I was approached by a cute guy with a goatee. After introducing ourselves, Matt asked me to sign one of his bingo squares. I signed "someone who was a religion major in college," and then he asked if he could sign one of my squares. Sensing he was interested in me, I decided to turn on the sass. Showing him my five-in-a-row, I declared, "Sorry, I don't need you!" He was hooked. Our first date was six days later.

We knew each other a little over two years when we got engaged, and a little over three years when we got married--pretty standard, I'd say. Matt's parents had been married 4 1/2 years by the time they reached this milestone, but nonetheless, I find myself thinking "I'm married to and having a baby with someone I've only known five years?" It feels like such a short time! And yet, we knew we were a good match right from the start. I love you, baby--happy 5 years!

(neither of us had a digital camera at the time, so here's a pic from spring 2005, the earliest I could find!)

Belly Pics, months 3 and 4

Here's the belly at 13 weeks...

... and at 17 weeks (last night)

Ever since week 10, I've been saying "ooh, I think I'm starting to show!" and then there's really no change. It's been mostly in my head for the last month or more, I guess--though there are several pairs of pants I cannot wear without a rubber band connecting the button and button hole. I know I look just about the same in the above photos, but I think the bump is getting a little more undeniable (and un-suck-in-able) now. Someone last night actually said, "ooh, is that a little bump I see?" Albeit, the person knew I was pregnant (I'm definitely still in the zone where a stranger would fear offending me if s/he asked when I was due) but that's the first time someone has actually noticed a difference! I haven't gained any weight yet (which I am thankful for) but I'm glad to "look" a little more pregnant. I'm sure the thrill will pass when I'm lugging around a huge belly, so might as well celebrate it now.

And while we're celebrating, check out the precious contents of my belly, pictured at 12 weeks!

(The dumb guy at Kinko's who scanned it for me saved it as a PDF, so it's really poor quality. For seven bucks, we're going back to have him do it right. We'll re-upload when we get a better-quality version.)

The Pregnancy Stupids, and other side effects

Since buying my essential copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting just a few days after finding out we were pregnant, I've heard about the forgetfulness, clumsiness, and general flakiness that can strike pregnant women. I think it was Jenny McCarthy in Belly Laughs who called it "the pregnancy stupids." I read about women leaving their keys in the fridge and driving miles past their own houses.

I thought it couldn't happen to me.

Just in the past week or so, though, I've found myself moving my mouse around, looking to open some file on my computer at work, and I realize I have completely forgotten what I'm looking for. It's the cyber equivalent of going into a room to get something and...

What was I talking about?

There's also the general hormonal snippiness (not as bad as one might expect from me, though!) and a little bit of weepiness. I don't think I've cried at anything that I wouldn't have cried at before (except one day in a meeting with my boss, but he's very understanding, both of pregnant women and of general office stress) but I think I'm reacting more strongly to the things that ordinarily make me a little weepy. Rather than a single glistening tear, I'm bawling pathetically at song lyrics like John Mayer's "Daughters"...

Fathers, be good to your daughters.
Daughters will love like you do.
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers.
So mothers, be good to your daughters, too.

...and Five for Fighting's "100 Years"...

15, there's still time for you
time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
when you've only got a hundred years to live

Those always get me. But scratch my general rule. I'm watching "The Family Man" right now, with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni. It's a great movie, but it has never made me cry. It got me just now, though. It was the scene where Cage's character is showing his wife the Manhattan penthouse they have the chance to move into. He wants to recapture the life of luxury he lost. "I'm talking about us finally having a life that other people envy," he says. And his wife responds, "Oh, Jack. They already do envy us."

It's so beautiful! He learns that his wife and kids are the only things he really needs...

Here I go again!

A Word on Edwards

I was really sad to hear yesterday that the rumors and allegations about John Edwards' infidelity were true. I was a big fan during his primary run, loving his focus on issues of poverty and health care. It is definitely disappointing to see that he succumbed to the temptations of power as so many other politicians have.

I have to say, though, that it is refreshing to hear Edwards acknowledge flat-out what everyone already knows about public figures who can't keep it in their pants: that power and success, people's cheers and votes of confidence lead to a self-delusion that they are above the rules. Edwards humbly said that his campaigns for Senate, V.P., and this latest presidential primary "fed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads you to believe you can do whatever you want. You're invincible. And there will be no consequences."

I've never heard a public figure caught in adultery actually acknowledge that it was self-centeredness (what I would say is the root of all sin) that caused him to stumble. While certainly disappointed in his actions, and bothered (but not surprised) that he lied months ago in efforts to keep his affair private even after he had come clean with Elizabeth, I am pleased with the humility and sincere remorse evident in his public confession yesterday.

While you may never hold public office again, John, please keep working for the causes you believe in. There is plenty of work left to do.

Prego Notes, week 16

• Nausea is theoretically easing up. Went a whole week without barfing. Celebrated that fact at breakfast with everyone our last morning in Virginia. Threw up entire Arby's lunch three hours later.
• Have gotten sick 3-4 times in the week since then, including once while behind the wheel. That was not fun.
• Still not showing much. I can tell a difference, but it's not enough to save me from workplace comments like "You still don't look the least bit pregnant. It's disgusting."
• Sent Matt to the grocery the other night for cashews and spreadable cheese. Otherwise, it's still all fruit, all the time. I haven't cooked a real dinner in weeks. Make that months.
• Matt has been absolutely awesome with the back rubs, foot rubs, and craving-fulfillment. I'm a very lucky girl.
• Heard heartbeat for the first time at this week's appointment. Expected "thump-thump," heard "whoosh, whoosh." Super cool.

Baby Wes is about 4 1/2 inches long now. We'll find out in a month if Intelligender was right (see this post), or if we've actually been causing gender confusion in poor Baby Kate. We've been delinquent about posting pictures recently, but we'll get the 12 week pics of me and of baby up soon. Thanks for everyone's well wishes--we're so excited for this sweet addition to our family!

08-08-08

I think it's pretty cool China chose to start the Olympics on 08-08-08, especially since 8 is a lucky number in their culture. But, August 8 (tomorrow) is also exciting for another reason.

200 Pomegranates and an Audience of One, an awesome book I've had the joy of acquiring and editing over the past year, officially publishes in just a couple weeks (Sept. 1) and is already building some great momentum. The author, Shawn Wood, is coordinating an Amazon Book Bomb for tomorrow, 08-08-08, which means that you should click RIGHT HERE any time tomorrow, check out the book, its reviews, and oh-so-importantly, buy the book! Amazon has already sold out of the first shipment they bought, so it may say "temporarily out of stock," but don't let that worry you--you'll get your order ASAP!

The book uses the biblical story of Huram of Tyre (see I Kings 7) as a vehicle to motivate readers to discover and cultivate their gifts, and to use them to serve others and honor God. Shawn has a very fresh, conversational style, and really bares it all when talking about struggles he and members of his family have gone through. It's very inspirational--but not in that fluffy, shallow way like books with clouds or flowers and girly writing on the cover. This book is for anyone who has ever wondered if what they do really matters, if they really have anything to contribute to the world. I'll ruin the ending by saying "you do!" but trust me, you'll be a lot more convinced once you read the book.